We’re connected in our insecurities

We are all unique, that’s for sure. But we are also all connected in our fears, doubts, and concerns about our inherent goodness (we are all capable of being bad). We can be as quirky and unusual as anything but still be happy through a sense of connectedness. We’re connected in our insecurities. It’s what makes us all human. Seeing this brings relief.

We do not learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on experience.

The end of the calendar year presents us with a valuable opportunity to reflect on the year that was and plan for the year that will be. It's easy to glaze over the former and focus on the latter, but failure to reflect will eventually manifest as a failure to grow.

If its that important, they will call

Do not text or check social media throughout the day. Establish fixed windows when you will read and reply to messages.

Do not become an ostrich

An ostrich will bury its head in the sand to avoid danger. A lot of humans behave the same way when they encounter new information that challenges their existing beliefs or views. An ostrich cares more about being right than finding the truth. Do not become an ostrich, embrace new information that forces you to change your mind.

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else

If you can be still while others rush to move. If you can delay gratification while others rush to feel it. If you can make time your friend, not your enemy. You will win.

"If this isn't nice, what is?"

There are a lot of tiny beautiful things in life that are easy to miss if you're moving too fast to appreciate them. When we recognize them—when we lean into gratitude—we find new joy and happiness in our lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud: "If this isn't nice, what is?"

What is failure for?

It is for something. It serves some purpose. It is a key designed for a specific keyhole. The new tool that completes your mission. The weapon that slays the next beast.

We all have an artist hidden inside of us.

Sadly, for most people, that artist will remain hidden for their entire lives. Cultural, social, and financial pressures create a weight that may keep that artist buried deep down within.

But we must uncover that artist and reveal its gifts to the world. It doesn't have to be for financial gain—in fact, it very rarely should be. The most beautiful art is often the art created for no reason at all. So, what is the artist hidden inside of you?

Your love is yours

Your love is yours. Forget the approval of others. You won't be able to make everyone happy. Accept that and embrace each other.

Unpopular relationship advice

Remember that when the two feel in conflict - Marriage should always take priority over your birth family.

If your relationship has a minor issue, repair it.

Minor issues become major issues over time. Furthermore, most minor issues that persist or repeat are a result of a more fundamental issue with the foundation. Address those swiftly, as they won't repair themselves.

All that matters is that it adds up to 100

In relationships, when facing a challenge, face it together. It can't always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10, sometimes it will be 10/90. All that matters is that it adds up to 100.

Don't delay difficult conversations

Don't delay difficult conversations. Don’t fear sadness, as it tends to sit right next to love. Time doesn't heal when it comes to relationships. The joy of love comes in the same package as the pain of loss.

Loving that deeply is a practice

The only thing that matters at all is the quality of the relationships with the people we love. Focus on that...Loving that deeply is a practice. It’s like anything, sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it’s so very hard. But it’s always worthwhile.

The wound is the place where the Light enters you

Every period of creation is followed by a period of destruction. Every period of destruction is followed by a rebirth and a period of creation. As Rumi said:
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

Default to not having it

If you're in doubt about something that's in your life already, get rid of it. Not just things, this goes for identities, habits, goals, relationships, technology, and anything else. Default to not having it, then see how you do without. ... Err on the side of no. Get rid of it. Start with a clean slate. If it was a mistake, you'll get it back with renewed enthusiasm.

Things are so different in practice versus in theory

If you're in doubt about something that's not in your life, try it. Things are so different in practice versus in theory. The only way to know is to experience it yourself. ... Err on the side of yes. Try it. If it was a mistake, at least you’ll know first-hand, instead of always wondering.

Stop acting like there is infinite time

Speed is perpetually undervalued. That doesn't mean you should feel frantic or rushed. In fact, you should likely eliminate some of the things that make you feel so busy to make space for things you always wanted to do. But it definitely means you should stop letting the days drift by waiting for the moment to be right. Stop acting like there is infinite time. This—the way you are living right now—is your one life.

Ability to hold two opposing ideas

The test of a first-rate intellect is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in your head at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

Where they seek to go

Helping people get to where they seek to go is more effective than hustling people to persuade them to go where you’re going.

Focusing attention is a skill

Where we choose to direct our gaze determines not only what we learn or believe, but how we choose to see the world. Typing is a skill. Juggling is a skill. So is project management. It’s easy to overlook the fact that we can get better at what we think about, create, and consume. If we’re not happy with how external forces are stealing and redirecting our attention, we can change it.

Looking for the tool is the first step in finding it

It’s almost impossible to remove a screw with your bare hands, but easy with a screwdriver. The handle might only add a little torque, but it’s more than enough. If someone is succeeding at something you find difficult, it might be because they realized they needed a screwdriver. Looking for the tool is the first step in finding it.

When you let go of the uncontrollable, you are free

Most of us waste a lot of energy on that which is entirely out of our control—we complain, we resent. But our energy is finite. Every ounce given to the uncontrollable is an ounce that cannot be deployed into the controllable. Every single moment that you focus on the uncontrollable, you are making an active decision to allow it to negatively impact your life.

Be interested to be interesting

Most people focus too much on being interesting and not enough on being interested. Being interested is how you become interesting. When you pursue your genuine interests, you are prone to deep focus, which cultivates a depth that is impossible to fake.

Live what you want to receive.

The most important relationship advice I've ever received: Make a list of the values you want to find in a partner, then go out and actually embody those values yourself. You can't hope to attract a set of values that you aren't embracing. Similarly, as a parent, you can't hope to teach a child a set of values that you aren't walking with.

We need people who push us to be better

We need people who push us to get uncomfortable, to think bigger, and to be better. We need people who push us to be better partners, parents, friends, siblings, colleagues, community members, and leaders. Find the people who tell you the two truths:

1. What you're truly capable of
2. What you're currently delivering on

What is the burden that you're still carrying?

We are all carrying the burdens of our past far beyond the riverbank where we should have set them down. We can choose to hold on to them and continue to feel their strain, or we can choose to set them down and move forward with a new lightness. What burdens are you still carrying? Perhaps it's time you place them down and let them go.

Well, that happened, now what should I do?

Looking for reasons, blaming others, or worse, blaming ourselves is a waste. It’s self-defeating. It creates shame and second-guessing, separates us from our community, and distracts us from the work at hand. Sometimes there’s a lesson to be learned, but when actual bad luck leads to a significant bolt of lightning and all the pain it causes, there is no lesson. That’s simply what happened.

The hard part first

If you’re trying to reduce risk, do the hard part first. That way, if it fails, you’ll have minimized your time and effort. On the other hand, if you’re looking for buy-in and commitment so you can through the hard part, do it last. People are terrible at ignoring sunk costs, and the early wins and identity shifts that come from the easy successes at the beginning will give you momentum as you go.

When was the last time you used a compass?

Technology advances, and sooner or later, the old stuff gets left behind. It’s easy to romanticize some of the classic devices that we built a civilization on, and it’s worth remembering that the tech we’re wrestling with now will soon fade away, with some folks nostalgic for the good old days. Everything doesn’t always move toward better, but everything moves.

Hope and expectations

They’re not the same thing. Hope can fuel us. Hope can be refilled. Hope opens the door to possibility. Expectations, on the other hand, are a trap. They make us brittle and lead to disappointment. When we raise our hopes and lower our expectations, we establish a resilient way forward.