Change the Behavior, Not the Feeling

When you notice yourself trying to become more motivated, confident, or calm before acting, stop trying to directly adjust the emotion. Instead, change the behavior that produces the feeling you want and take one small physical or social step anyway: open the document, put on your shoes, send the message, improve your sleep, change your environment, or ask someone to join you. Then notice how you feel afterward and use that feedback to guide your next action.

Are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for a dream, we have no experience and make mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

The enjoyment of leisure

The enjoyment of leisure is decidedly less costly than the enjoyment of luxury. All it requires is an artistic temperament which is bent on seeking a perfectly useless afternoon spent in a perfectly useless manner.

Go out and live fully now

Whether you have ten years left or a hundred years left, your life is an incredibly brief moment. We know for sure you won't be here in a century. But today? Today you are in the Great Game. And this moment you have right now might as well be the most important in the universe. Your time is thin. Go out and live fully now.

The temptation of discovery and the new

Built into the concept of “interesting” is the unexplored. The temptation of discovery and the new. And so, by definition, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, it’s likely that there is something more interesting somewhere else. Part of the curse of the smartphone is that it brings the more-interesting chasm right into our hands. As long as we choose to imagine it, the apparent insufficiency of here and now will be with us. Sometimes it even comes knocking.

The next take is where hope lies

Nailing it in the first take is a sign of preparation and professionalism. No need for two tries if you are clear about what you’re doing and how. The next take is where hope lies. This one was pretty good, but next time, we’ll bring it. And the last take is good enough. That’s why there are no more takes after that.

The secret of being happy

The secret of being happy consists of knowing how to enjoy yourself- enjoy being at the table, in bed, enjoy standing up, sitting down, enjoy the nearest ray of sunshine, the slightest bit of landscape: in other words, love everything.

It's hard to learn when you feel defensive

It's hard to learn when you feel defensive. Relax. You are capable and you can recover from whatever you face. You can accept feedback without taking it personally. What is this moment teaching you?

This day will never come again

This day will never come again and anyone who fails to eat and drink and taste and smell it will never have it offered to them again in all eternity. The sun will never shine as it does today. You climb as hard as you can ... just advancing one inch at a time. That's the secret of life.

Learn to love the interruptions

Learn to love the interruptions. Find the fun in the delay, the humor in the challenge, the pleasure in the daily commute. A great deal of life is spent dealing with interruptions and waiting for the conditions to turn. We think, "If I can just get past this, then things will open up." But the interruption is not standing between you and your life. It is your life. But you'll rarely find a situation that is all bad. This is one of the arts of living. It's the art of enjoying the imperfect days. It's the art of making all the moments count.

Why is improvement hard?

Part of the issue is that everyone wants to improve, but nobody wants to destroy. Change often requires destruction. Or, at least, unlearning. Let's call it gentle elimination. You may have to leave little habits, update current beliefs, and eliminate comfortable patterns. When you want better outcomes, your daily norms may need to change. The process of improvement is not just about adding things you like. Sometimes habits and patterns belong to who you were, not who you are trying to be. If you'd like something better, then a routine you are comfortable with may have to die

Talent is a gift

What we call luck is often not purely random, but rather the delayed byproduct of consistently putting yourself in good positions. Talent is a gift. Reliability is a choice. But every family, team, and organization needs reliability just as much as they need talent.

When we upgrade something

When we upgrade something in our lives, the thing we used to be satisfied with is no longer satisfying. That’s the nature of an upgrade. After a certain point, the only thing we’re buying is the way the upgrade makes us feel in the moment, not our satisfaction going forward. At some point, the best upgrade is the realization that we have enough.

Saying no to something is hard

Why are otherwise smart people trying to do too many things? The answer might surprise you. Saying no to something is hard because you immediately see what you might lose: the money, the connection, the possibility that something might come of it. So we say yes ... because the cost is hidden. Every yes quietly steals time from the most important thing you're already working on.

Judgemental Parents

People who grew up with judgmental parents often have a very distorted view of reality; they think the whole world is out there trying to get them, when it’s clear that everyone is focused on their own problems and that no one cares.

Adult friendships

Long-lasting adult friendships mostly happen between high-energy people because most other people are too tired to bother keeping in touch over the years.

The best goal in life

The best goal in life is actually something that you never fully reach, although the attempts alone will make you grow into who you want to be, and before you know it, you will also be surrounded by the people you wanted to be with.

The power of sport

Sports are really honest because you can’t lie to yourself. As far as trusting yourself, the power of sport is unparalleled because it is evidence over affirmation. You don’t tell yourself, ‘Oh, I can handle the pressure. Oh, I’m so great.’ You do it time and time again.

What you did contribute

When you don't contribute in the way you wanted, you stop seeing all the ways you did contribute. You measure what happened against what you imagined would happen. The letdown isn't really about how much you contributed. It's about how far reality differed from the version you'd imagined. The lesson here isn't to stop wanting to make a bigger contribution, but rather to make an honest account of what you did contribute. When you feel like your contribution didn't matter, ask yourself what you're really measuring against.

Where is your energy better spent right now?

If you want a plant to grow, you can fuss over it every day, watering, weeding, and moving it toward the sun. Or you can place it in the right soil and let nature do most of the work. A seed planted in the right spot often thrives on its own. Life is much the same. Progress is not only about how hard you work, but also about where you decide to work. Where is your energy better spent right now: pushing harder or planting yourself in better ground?

A master in the art of living

A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between work and play; labor and leisure; mind and body; education and recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.

Rooting for the people you know

You should always be rooting for the people you know. Not only because you may need their support tomorrow, but also because it feels good to celebrate something. Celebration can rescue your day, even if it is someone else's victory. Envy will ruin your day, even if you're actually winning.

Left unsaid

It’s difficult to ride a bicycle in the pitch darkness. We need to see where we’re going to avoid obstacles. And it’s hard to maintain our balance. When we choose to avoid the conversations that make us uncomfortable, we’re pedaling in the dark. Talk about it. Turn on the lights.

The urgency paradox

The more often we succumb to the urgency of the moment, the more urgency we create. The next minute is probably not the last, but when we treat it this way, it will be soon followed by another last minute.

Everyone has their own feelings,

When in doubt, don’t argue about the facts. Look for the feelings. Everyone has their own feelings, whether you agree with them or not. When we validate feelings, we create a connection that gives us a chance to examine the facts together.

A very restricted circle

Most people live within a very restricted circle of their potential. They make use of a very small portion of their possible consciousness and of their soul’s resources in general, much like a man who, out of his whole organism, should get into a habit of using and moving only his little finger.

People want the outcome

People want the outcome, not the effort that produces it. When the outcome arrives, what's left is the effort, and that's what they complain about. People tell you to address your weaknesses while paying you for your strengths. Your inner monologue determines your outer actions. The most powerful story in the world is the one you tell yourself.

The difference between poison and medicine

The difference between poison and medicine often comes down to the dosage. Belief at scale, fueled by omnipresent media designed to seduce, is unlikely to help us get to where we seek to go. A coherent culture is often built on a shared belief system. When the entire group believes something that collides with reality, though, reality wins. In the long run, the Earth doesn’t care what you believe.

Can you believe it?

The standards have changed a lot in the last few millennia: The big man said it. The book said it. The newspaper said it. I saw a photo. I saw it on TV. I read it on the internet. That’s what the AI said. There has always been room for doubt. But the last century has been about doubt at scale, driven by misaligned incentives and the impact of media and tech.

The gap between true and known

We have more agency and choice than we know. And sometimes, when the awareness of our freedom arrives, it’s too late to reclaim the opportunities we missed. Some of the walls around us are really built by people who have no right to build them, who profit from our staying put. And some of the walls aren’t walls at all. A door we never tried, because no one told us it was unlocked. Perhaps, instead of waiting for certainty, we act as if, just for now, to explore what’s possible. Too often, we’re held back unfairly by others who have no right to do so. But sometimes, we hold ourselves back simply because we didn’t know we had a choice.

99% might be enough (or not)

A 100-foot-long boat that’s 99% complete is going to sink before it leaves the dock. That gaping hole is more than enough to do it in. On the other hand, a baked cake that’s 99% as good as the best baked cake ever made is exactly good enough to serve in any setting. Mediocrity isn’t the point. Neither is perfection. The question is: what’s the best allocation of effort to delight our customers? We should be clear about which category we’re working in.