Expose some of your flaws

Most people are terrified of looking imperfect. They hide their mistakes and pretend they’ve got it all figured out. When you’re willing to admit a past failure or share something that makes you a little uncomfortable, people lean in. They see a human being, not a cardboard cut-out. Vulnerability, done right, builds trust and connection.

Process thinking

Sure, you made it work this time, but will it work next time? Can you teach the method to someone else? Do you have a protocol for what to do when it doesn’t work? How can someone else contribute to your process to make it better?

Free agency

Unrestricted free choice is a myth. There are always boundaries and trade-offs. But being fully stuck is also a myth. We might not like the trade-offs, but we also have a choice. Since we always live in between, the work isn’t waiting until we have free agency. The work is deciding and acting when we think that we don’t.

Most people aren't like you

The more ambitious you are, the easier it is to fall into this trap. You hand someone a project and think, "I would have stayed late every night for this." When they leave at 5, you feel betrayed. But here's the thing: you are unusual. Most people aren't like you. That's not a flaw in them. It's what makes you different. Once you stop expecting others to be you, the frustration disappears.

Talk to people

Actively cultivate relationships with family, friends, and strangers. Initiate conversations. Let curiosity lead. Ask follow-up questions. Assume rejection or awkwardness isn’t personal. Strong social connections are one of the most powerful predictors of long life and happiness, and their benefits begin immediately, not decades later.

Unknot yourself

Don't ignore the problem, but keep it light. Take action with a smile. Adding tension won't solve your troubles faster. Even when the problem is hard, it doesn't need to harden you. Unknot yourself. Body loose, head clear, and then take the first step. Be happy in the doing.

Is it helping?

There are millions of ways we can remind ourselves about the events of our lives and the systems we live in. But in this moment (and the next) we’ll choose just one or two to rehearse and allow it to alter our decisions, outlook and interactions. So the key question is simple: Is it helping? The story is a choice. You can change it. Not all at once, not easily, but of course, we change our focus. This takes effort, and it’s worthwhile.