Identify who is shaping what you want

Before chasing a desire, pause and ask where it came from. We often think we want something because of its “objective” benefits, but the desire may have started because someone else made it look desirable. This can apply to a career path, a purchase, a relationship, a lifestyle, or a goal. Ask yourself: Who made this look appealing to me? Who do I imagine when I picture the life I want? Whose success makes me feel inspired, jealous, insecure, or behind? These people are your models of desire. Some may pull you toward good things, while others may quietly trap you in comparison.

A plan becomes dangerous when it hardens into a demand

A plan becomes dangerous when it hardens into a demand: the project must succeed, the conversation must go your way, or the competition must be won. When your peace depends on results you can influence but never command, ambition quickly becomes anxiety. The Stoics answered this with the reserve clause: “I intend to do this, if nothing prevents it.” This is neither indifference nor an excuse for weak effort; it means preparing carefully, acting wholeheartedly, and preferring a result without staking your character on receiving it. If circumstances close one path, adapt and choose the next worthy action.

Striving can be meaningful

Excellence has its place; striving can be meaningful. But when greatness becomes the only acceptable outcome, ordinary life starts to feel like something we need to escape instead of something we can inhabit. Maybe the harder, braver thing is not always to improve, achieve, or stand out, but to accept that much of a good life is made of moments no one will applaud, remember, or rank.

Evil exists primarily in the eye of the beholder

Evil usually enters the world unrecognized by the people who open the door and let it in. Most people who perpetrate evil do not see what they are doing as evil. Evil exists primarily in the eye of the beholder, especially in the eye of the victim.

All that happens to us

A writer and, I believe, generally all persons must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.

Sign of mental toughness

One sign of mental toughness is being larger than the situation. Do the circumstances dictate your mood and emotions? Or do you choose your mood and emotions, and the situation is simply something you respond to? The less your mood depends on your circumstances, the more mentally tough you are.

Ask for help at the top

Very few people dare to ask for help, ideas, or support, let alone ask people higher up the top of ‘the ladder.’ Making bold asks, whether it’s for mentorship, asking for a job, or simply to make a connection with someone a little out of your league, may frequently be met with rejection. But that doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally get what you ask for. When you do, you’ll be propelled.