Lobby expertise

Someone who has seen a lot of movies but has never made one has a certain kind of knowledge. The same is true for clients, patients and students. They haven’t solved a problem, healed a patient or taught a class, but they’ve seen it done. They might have something helpful to add. Or they might not.

Responsibility, fault, blame and shame

Responsibility, fault, blame and shame. They’re not the same. They (mostly) don’t even rhyme. People can evade responsibility by saying it’s someone else’s fault. They can take responsibility, even if it’s not their fault. In fact, being an adult involves taking responsibility for things that we could point out are not our fault. We can soothe our unwillingness to take responsibility by blaming someone else, or we could surprise everyone by accepting it in advance. And shame? Shame’s the deal killer, the dream destroyer and toxic. It’s often on offer, but we don’t have to accept it.

Options can be more dangerous

Options can be more dangerous to a competent person than failure. The more competence you have, the more opportunity you have. And the more opportunity you have, the harder it is to focus on one thing.

Upside-downside

The sensitivity analysis for a decision is easy to overlook because we tend to focus on the expected outcome. Perhaps it makes sense to begin with the edges instead.

Upside: If this works, really works, what are the implications?
Downside: If this fails, totally, what are the costs?

After we understand the edges, then it makes sense to be more nuanced about the chances of either happening and start discussing the likely outcome.

Find fit before doubling down on grit

Find fit before doubling down on grit. Pay attention to where hard work feels absorbing rather than merely draining: the activities you return to voluntarily, improve at quickly, and still care about after the novelty wears off. When you find that combination, commit more deeply. When you don’t, experiment with a different role, method, or direction instead of assuming you simply need to push harder.

Stop using optimism to tolerate what needs changing

Stop using optimism to tolerate what needs changing. Hope and resilience are useful until they become excuses to endure a situation that is genuinely bad. Describe the situation honestly rather than reframing it, then decide what actually needs to change.

Let pleasure be enough

Let pleasure be enough. Don’t turn leisure into another metric to optimize. A weekend does not need to be maximally meaningful; a meal does not need to be perfect, and rest does not need to be exceptionally restorative. Enjoy things without grading the experience.