You need nothing

Why would you need something from anyone in particular? Certainly, when it comes to psychological needs, no single other person has what we need. We don’t need validation or respect or support. To experience love and admiration is nice, but we shouldn’t depend on this. If we do, our happiness is instantly at the mercy of the choices and behaviours of other people. This weakens us. It also comes off as needy, which distances others from us. You need nothing. You’re free.

We’re just who we are

Many of us go through life weighed down by insecurities. These self-criticisms arose from others’ judgements, and mainly our own. We bought into the significance of these assertions and perceived something to be ‘wrong’ with us. But criticism can’t ever be tied to the truth because, by its very nature, criticism or judgement is a fabricated, human-made meaning. Without created meaning, there simply is. We simply are. We are OK. We aren’t good or bad. We’re just who we are. And in the void left by criticism, self-compassion becomes our default. Loving who we are takes no effort or intervention.

Other people can do and be what they want to do

Other people can do and be what they want to do. If you want to be deeply stressed, try wishing other people did things differently. This is inherently frustrating when we face a situation we want to change but know we can’t. The solution? Realise it’s not on you to try to change anything or anyone. The best you can do is accept that others will do things you disagree with and focus on developing yourself as best you can.

Being OK with the outcome of things

One of the most attractive traits in a human is being OK with the outcome of things, regardless of what it is. They are outcome-independent. When we can keep calm when things aren’t going our way, this garners respect because it brings harmony to (and diffuses) the situation. It is not always easy to do. When we observe outcome independence as a daily habit, we find ourselves less stressed and more creative and respect ourselves more. If something doesn’t work out, we shrug and move on.

Drop your shoulders

Like slowing our breathing, there are things we can do to bring us back into our bodies and out of our heads. We can sometimes get so wrapped in worry that we don’t realise how tight we are physically. Dropping our shoulders and allowing our bodies to relax hijacks our minds and calms us down instantly.

Every decision is a new event

We often try to justify previous errors by making them again. We defend sunk costs. We choose the victim's path. We misunderstand the bad luck that came before or decide to teach the universe a lesson. We might overreact and run away from good options merely because we stumbled last time. Or we could fail to see the pattern and choose to repeat it. Every decision is a new event. We have new information, new options, and most of all, we’re smarter than we were last time. If we want to be.

The gap between where you are and where you want to be

When the gap between where you are and where you want to be is large, focus on the next step. One sentence in the book. One workout. One email. While the ultimate goal helps you navigate, focusing on it keeps you from achieving it. Unfair advantages are found in the things that anyone could do, but very few choose to do.