Evil exists primarily in the eye of the beholder

Evil usually enters the world unrecognized by the people who open the door and let it in. Most people who perpetrate evil do not see what they are doing as evil. Evil exists primarily in the eye of the beholder, especially in the eye of the victim.

All that happens to us

A writer and, I believe, generally all persons must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.

Sign of mental toughness

One sign of mental toughness is being larger than the situation. Do the circumstances dictate your mood and emotions? Or do you choose your mood and emotions, and the situation is simply something you respond to? The less your mood depends on your circumstances, the more mentally tough you are.

Ask for help at the top

Very few people dare to ask for help, ideas, or support, let alone ask people higher up the top of ‘the ladder.’ Making bold asks, whether it’s for mentorship, asking for a job, or simply to make a connection with someone a little out of your league, may frequently be met with rejection. But that doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally get what you ask for. When you do, you’ll be propelled.

What to believe

The question of what to believe is perhaps the most momentous that anyone can put to himself. Our beliefs are not luxuries, but necessities of existence. They become particularly important in times of trouble. They are like the life-boats carried by ocean ships.

If you really want to communicate something

If you really want to communicate something, even if it’s just an emotion or an attitude, let alone an idea, the least effective and least enjoyable way is to do it directly. It only goes in about an inch. But if you can get people to the point where they have to think for a moment about what you’re getting at, and then discover it, the thrill of discovery goes right through the heart.

If you can't decide between two paths

We convince ourselves that the future is knowable, yet the pivotal moments of history are surprises. If you can't decide between two paths, choose the one that offers no immediate feedback.

Don’t eat if you’re not hungry

Don’t eat if you’re not hungry. That’s not only good dieting advice. It works in just about every endeavor we sign up for. The system would like us to be insatiable on its behalf, but that’s not an invitation we’re required to accept.

Assume misunderstanding

It’s possible that you were undermined, endangered, cut off, or disrespected. But if we begin with that, then the relationship gets shaky. Perhaps the other person simply didn’t understand. It might be that they are focused on their issues, not yours. It could be that they’re dealing with something you don’t see. And most likely, they simply might not know what you’re expecting or hoping for. When we assume misunderstanding, we open the door to something better. We can find empathy and connection by giving people the benefit of the doubt. Clarity, not grievance, is the solution to misunderstanding.

Your life is simply your days

Few people use the mind; fewer use the heart; and truly unique are those who use both. Your life is simply your days, accumulated. Did today's habits contribute to the life you want to build? If the version of you from five years ago could see your life today, what would surprise them most?

Increase your recovery speed

Increase your recovery speed. You can't avoid failures. You will get rejected. Make bad decisions. Lose money. Embarrass yourself. Whatever. Just learn to reset faster. Shrink the window between fall and recovery. Master the art of the fresh start.

Stop expecting achievement to satisfy you

Ambition becomes a superpower when you stop expecting achievement to satisfy you and learn to love the pursuit itself. It’s hard to see what you’re not looking for, and it’s easy to see what you’re looking for.

Making your unknown known

Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant; there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is important. Focus less on winning; focus more on improving.

Short term dumb, long term smart

Culture provides scaffolding, and learning happens over time. The result is that we’re each capable of extraordinary feats. People can fly planes, ski down mountains, figure out how to use Photoshop, or solve a crossword puzzle. When things are new, we’re often terrible at it. People didn’t know how to use the microwave oven, the dishwasher, or the buttons on the car radio when they were first introduced. Most people exhibit this skill only after months or years of exposure, combined with cultural forces that educate and normalize the behavior.

Emotional hygiene

Our culture creates traps and opportunities. There’s social and commercial pressure to engage in activities and jobs that don’t serve us very well. Persistent emotional turmoil can undermine our peace of mind, and it might be caused by an ongoing spiral that’s fueled by the short-term choices we make. Cultural and economic pressure can make those choices feel non-optional, but if we can protect ourselves early, we may be able to create enough value for others that our hygienic choices easily pay for themselves.

Practice active optimism

When something feels uncertain or stuck, assume it can work out, but don’t leave the outcome to hope alone. Ask, “What can I do right now to improve the odds?”, then take the next concrete step. Treat setbacks as temporary and specific rather than proof that the whole effort is doomed, and keep adjusting your actions as new information arrives.

Spend more time experiencing life through your body

Modern life keeps us inside our heads with planning, worrying, remembering, problem-solving, and chasing future goals. Regularly bring your attention back to the physical world you’re already inhabiting: the objects you handle, the places you move through, the weather, sounds, textures, and people around you. Your circumstances don’t need to change for life to feel richer; you may simply need to notice more of what is already there.

Find pleasure in ordinary activities

Don’t wait for vacations, celebrations, or major accomplishments to feel alive. Most of life consists of ordinary activities- cooking, cleaning, walking, gardening, fixing things, getting a haircut- and they are full of textures, sounds, smells, and movements worth experiencing. Pay attention to the rhythm of chopping vegetables, the feel of paint spreading across a wall, or the sound of gravel underfoot. Gratification is often hidden in the things you’re already doing.

Reconnect with the physical world

Convenience has removed many of the small physical interactions that once filled everyday life. Buttons became touchscreens, keys became sensors, tickets became apps, and countless tasks became automated. You don’t need to reject technology, but pay attention to the physical interactions that remain: buttoning a shirt, opening a window, washing a dish, sharpening a pencil, or petting a cat. Let yourself actually feel these interactions instead of rushing past them.

Look for gratification, not just happiness

Keep pursuing the big things that make life meaningful, like relationships, health, purpose, and accomplishment, but don’t make them your only source of a good life. Happiness often depends on goals that take months or years; gratification is available immediately through ordinary sensory experiences. Notice the warmth of a cup in your hands, the sound of a zipper closing, or leaves crunching beneath your feet. We’ve been taught to think these experiences are background noise, while the “real” parts of life happen somewhere else. But those tiny moments aren’t distractions from a meaningful life; they’re part of what makes life meaningful in the first place.

Use Your Two Superpowers

As a young person, you face a ton of uncertainty. But you face little risk. The superpower you have when you’re young is time and options. You can quit your job, travel for a couple of years, and then get a new job when you come back. You can leave your company to start your own business, and if it fails, get a new job. You can break up with your partner to date new people. You can move to a completely new city. You have time to make new friends, explore different careers, and live in different places. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have time to figure things out. If something doesn’t work out, you just try something else. You can easily reset your life, over and over again. You can’t do that (or it’s much harder) when you’re in your 30s or 40s, married, and have multiple kids. Time and options have an expiration date. Use it before you lose it.

Solvable problems are a wonderful distraction.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. When so many of life’s problems are unsolvable, solvable problems are a wonderful distraction.

Hold to this illusion

The writer must believe that what he is doing is the most important thing in the world. And he must hold to this illusion even when he knows it is not true. This could apply to a lot of vocations and missions, not just writing.

Live with lightness

Without laughter, the rough and rocky places on the path might be too painful to bear. Humor not only lightens your load, but it also broadens your perspective. To be deadly serious is to suffer tunnel vision. To be able to laugh at yourself clears the vision.

The work is the reward

Acceptance is not surrender. It is the moment you stop wasting energy on what is already true and start using that energy to decide what to do next. The work is the reward.

Preference falsification

People lie. They lie in focus groups, they lie on surveys, and they lie to themselves. Culture can be seen as an organized lying function. Be aware of what other people are thinking and make choices about your preferences so you can fit in. Without this effect, we wouldn’t have trends, fads, or hits.

Make an offer of real repair

When the damage is practical, fix it practically: replace the broken object, pay someone back, or correct the mistake. When the damage is emotional, repair may mean reassuring the person that they matter to you and explaining how you’ll act differently next time. A promise to “do better” only matters if your behavior changes. The apology is not the finish line; it’s the first step toward rebuilding trust.

We hide behind excuses

Most apologies fail because they’re built to protect the person apologizing, not to repair the harm done. We hide behind excuses, soften the impact with “if” and “but,” or rush to explain what we meant instead of acknowledging what the other person felt. A real apology does the opposite: it accepts responsibility without defensiveness, shows that you understand the other person’s experience, expresses genuine remorse, and offers a concrete way to make things right.

If you always want more

If you always want more, then you'll find the most you can have will always be too little. Large, sweeping changes often sound good in theory, but the faster you try to change your life, the more likely you are to backslide. Real change is inch by inch.

Work at 80% capacity by default

Prioritize the few tasks that create the most value, and leave some time unscheduled to think, recover, notice emerging opportunities, and respond calmly when important work appears. Resist filling that space with low-priority tasks, invisible favors, repeated rework, or projects likely to disappear. There will always be more work to do, but not all of it deserves your time; save full intensity for the rare moments when it can make an outsized difference.

Make play a daily practice

Set aside at least a few minutes each day for an activity you enjoy purely for its own sake-juggle, toss a ball, draw, dance, build something, or play with someone else. Use it to step away from the outrage cycle, regulate your nervous system, and reconnect with curiosity, creativity, and other people.