We’re connected in our insecurities

We are all unique, that’s for sure. But we are also all connected in our fears, doubts, and concerns about our inherent goodness (we are all capable of being bad). We can be as quirky and unusual as anything but still be happy through a sense of connectedness. We’re connected in our insecurities. It’s what makes us all human. Seeing this brings relief.

We do not learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on experience.

The end of the calendar year presents us with a valuable opportunity to reflect on the year that was and plan for the year that will be. It's easy to glaze over the former and focus on the latter, but failure to reflect will eventually manifest as a failure to grow.

If its that important, they will call

Do not text or check social media throughout the day. Establish fixed windows when you will read and reply to messages.

Do not become an ostrich

An ostrich will bury its head in the sand to avoid danger. A lot of humans behave the same way when they encounter new information that challenges their existing beliefs or views. An ostrich cares more about being right than finding the truth. Do not become an ostrich, embrace new information that forces you to change your mind.

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else

If you can be still while others rush to move. If you can delay gratification while others rush to feel it. If you can make time your friend, not your enemy. You will win.

"If this isn't nice, what is?"

There are a lot of tiny beautiful things in life that are easy to miss if you're moving too fast to appreciate them. When we recognize them—when we lean into gratitude—we find new joy and happiness in our lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud: "If this isn't nice, what is?"

What is failure for?

It is for something. It serves some purpose. It is a key designed for a specific keyhole. The new tool that completes your mission. The weapon that slays the next beast.

We all have an artist hidden inside of us.

Sadly, for most people, that artist will remain hidden for their entire lives. Cultural, social, and financial pressures create a weight that may keep that artist buried deep down within.

But we must uncover that artist and reveal its gifts to the world. It doesn't have to be for financial gain—in fact, it very rarely should be. The most beautiful art is often the art created for no reason at all. So, what is the artist hidden inside of you?

Your love is yours

Your love is yours. Forget the approval of others. You won't be able to make everyone happy. Accept that and embrace each other.

Unpopular relationship advice

Remember that when the two feel in conflict - Marriage should always take priority over your birth family.

If your relationship has a minor issue, repair it.

Minor issues become major issues over time. Furthermore, most minor issues that persist or repeat are a result of a more fundamental issue with the foundation. Address those swiftly, as they won't repair themselves.

All that matters is that it adds up to 100

In relationships, when facing a challenge, face it together. It can't always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10, sometimes it will be 10/90. All that matters is that it adds up to 100.

Don't delay difficult conversations

Don't delay difficult conversations. Don’t fear sadness, as it tends to sit right next to love. Time doesn't heal when it comes to relationships. The joy of love comes in the same package as the pain of loss.

Loving that deeply is a practice

The only thing that matters at all is the quality of the relationships with the people we love. Focus on that...Loving that deeply is a practice. It’s like anything, sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it’s so very hard. But it’s always worthwhile.

The wound is the place where the Light enters you

Every period of creation is followed by a period of destruction. Every period of destruction is followed by a rebirth and a period of creation. As Rumi said:
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

Default to not having it

If you're in doubt about something that's in your life already, get rid of it. Not just things, this goes for identities, habits, goals, relationships, technology, and anything else. Default to not having it, then see how you do without. ... Err on the side of no. Get rid of it. Start with a clean slate. If it was a mistake, you'll get it back with renewed enthusiasm.

Things are so different in practice versus in theory

If you're in doubt about something that's not in your life, try it. Things are so different in practice versus in theory. The only way to know is to experience it yourself. ... Err on the side of yes. Try it. If it was a mistake, at least you’ll know first-hand, instead of always wondering.

Stop acting like there is infinite time

Speed is perpetually undervalued. That doesn't mean you should feel frantic or rushed. In fact, you should likely eliminate some of the things that make you feel so busy to make space for things you always wanted to do. But it definitely means you should stop letting the days drift by waiting for the moment to be right. Stop acting like there is infinite time. This—the way you are living right now—is your one life.

Ability to hold two opposing ideas

The test of a first-rate intellect is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in your head at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

Where they seek to go

Helping people get to where they seek to go is more effective than hustling people to persuade them to go where you’re going.

Focusing attention is a skill

Where we choose to direct our gaze determines not only what we learn or believe, but how we choose to see the world. Typing is a skill. Juggling is a skill. So is project management. It’s easy to overlook the fact that we can get better at what we think about, create, and consume. If we’re not happy with how external forces are stealing and redirecting our attention, we can change it.

Looking for the tool is the first step in finding it

It’s almost impossible to remove a screw with your bare hands, but easy with a screwdriver. The handle might only add a little torque, but it’s more than enough. If someone is succeeding at something you find difficult, it might be because they realized they needed a screwdriver. Looking for the tool is the first step in finding it.

When you let go of the uncontrollable, you are free

Most of us waste a lot of energy on that which is entirely out of our control—we complain, we resent. But our energy is finite. Every ounce given to the uncontrollable is an ounce that cannot be deployed into the controllable. Every single moment that you focus on the uncontrollable, you are making an active decision to allow it to negatively impact your life.

Be interested to be interesting

Most people focus too much on being interesting and not enough on being interested. Being interested is how you become interesting. When you pursue your genuine interests, you are prone to deep focus, which cultivates a depth that is impossible to fake.

Live what you want to receive.

The most important relationship advice I've ever received: Make a list of the values you want to find in a partner, then go out and actually embody those values yourself. You can't hope to attract a set of values that you aren't embracing. Similarly, as a parent, you can't hope to teach a child a set of values that you aren't walking with.

We need people who push us to be better

We need people who push us to get uncomfortable, to think bigger, and to be better. We need people who push us to be better partners, parents, friends, siblings, colleagues, community members, and leaders. Find the people who tell you the two truths:

1. What you're truly capable of
2. What you're currently delivering on

What is the burden that you're still carrying?

We are all carrying the burdens of our past far beyond the riverbank where we should have set them down. We can choose to hold on to them and continue to feel their strain, or we can choose to set them down and move forward with a new lightness. What burdens are you still carrying? Perhaps it's time you place them down and let them go.

Well, that happened, now what should I do?

Looking for reasons, blaming others, or worse, blaming ourselves is a waste. It’s self-defeating. It creates shame and second-guessing, separates us from our community, and distracts us from the work at hand. Sometimes there’s a lesson to be learned, but when actual bad luck leads to a significant bolt of lightning and all the pain it causes, there is no lesson. That’s simply what happened.

The hard part first

If you’re trying to reduce risk, do the hard part first. That way, if it fails, you’ll have minimized your time and effort. On the other hand, if you’re looking for buy-in and commitment so you can through the hard part, do it last. People are terrible at ignoring sunk costs, and the early wins and identity shifts that come from the easy successes at the beginning will give you momentum as you go.

When was the last time you used a compass?

Technology advances, and sooner or later, the old stuff gets left behind. It’s easy to romanticize some of the classic devices that we built a civilization on, and it’s worth remembering that the tech we’re wrestling with now will soon fade away, with some folks nostalgic for the good old days. Everything doesn’t always move toward better, but everything moves.

Hope and expectations

They’re not the same thing. Hope can fuel us. Hope can be refilled. Hope opens the door to possibility. Expectations, on the other hand, are a trap. They make us brittle and lead to disappointment. When we raise our hopes and lower our expectations, we establish a resilient way forward.

Wrestling, fighting or dancing?

We can wrestle with a challenge or a problem and find energy and possibility while doing it. And we can dance with someone else as we seek a mutual way forward. Fighting tends to be more brutal, final, and hurtful than is often productive. You don’t want to spend your days fighting. The words matter.

Sharing creates connection

A gift doesn’t diminish the giver. Sharing creates connection, possibility, and energy. And the magic of gratitude is that it improves everything it touches, especially the person who offered it in the first place.

We make things happen through our actions

Our deeds, no matter how insignificant they may feel, are replete with meaning, and of vast consequence, and they constantly impact upon the unfolding story of the world, whether we know it or not.

What makes life worth living?

No child asks itself that question. To children life is self-evident. Life goes without saying: whether it is good or bad makes no difference. This is because children don't see the world, don't observe the world, don't contemplate the world, but are so deeply immersed in the world that they don't distinguish between it and their own selves.

You can only deeply commit to a few things.

Be ruthless about what you ignore. Time, energy, and resources are so precious. You have to be ferocious about cutting your priorities—more than you realize and certainly more than is comfortable.

You must cultivate activities that you love

You must discover work that you do, not for its utility, but for itself, whether it succeeds or not, whether you are praised for it or not, whether you are loved and rewarded for it or not, whether people know about it and are grateful to you for it or not. How many activities can you count in your life that you engage in simply because they delight you and grip your soul? Find them out, cultivate them, for they are your passport to freedom and to love.

You will have to learn to let go.

At some point, you will have to learn to let go. There is an endless list of obligations and expectations, desires and ambitions, and worries and fears that will always be ready to insert themselves between you and the feeling of peace. If you never learn to let them go, there will never be enough.

Two ways to defend the status quo

 1. Deny the problem. Minimize it, makeup data, distract from the conversation, make people feel like hypocrites, and emphasize the convenient and persistent elements of what is in place.

2. Acknowledge the problem but point out that it’s now far too late to do anything about it.

Neither is true, helpful, or generous. Both happen all the time. Call it out when you see it.

The second mistake

That’s the avoidable one and the one that usually causes the real trouble. When the first mistake flusters us, breaks our rhythm, or messes with our confidence, we’re far more likely to make the second one. It’s almost impossible to avoid making a mistake. But avoiding the second mistake (or, just as likely, the cover-up) is a learnable skill.

The perfect conditions

Somewhere, there is the ideal soil for growing mangoes. Or the best possible wave for surfing. Or the most romantic sunset for a proposal. But it’s not right here and it’s not right now. Our success has a lot to do with how we dance with conditions that aren’t quite perfect.

Don’t make yourself special in a negative way

Don’t make yourself special in a negative way. We are terrified by nothingness - the meaning isn’t in logic, the meaning is in emotion. Logic doesn't matter when logic runs up against strong emotion. And remember- the best thing that life has to offer you is the love of another human.

Improving other people's lives

Creating a goal of fulfilling ourselves by improving other people's lives is a wonderful abstract goal. As long as you don't say "I know what is the exact way to do it.

Reduce the gap between confidence and knowledge

It's really about the ability to hold multiple hypotheses in mind and not being convinced too quickly. Most probably it's about reducing the gap between confidence and knowledge.

If you worry

 If you worry, you don't have to worry, and if you don't worry, you need to worry.

If your expectations grow with your prosperity

Happiness thrives when you cherish what you have, rather than letting your expectations escalate with success. If your expectations grow with your prosperity, you’ll never be happy.

Start each day with courage

Start each day with courage, knowing that chasing a big goal is a journey. Embrace the challenge of working towards something amazing, even if you haven't reached it yet. Understand that the mix of fear and determination each morning is a sign that you're on the path to achieving your ambitions.

The journey has to become the destination

Life is not just about peaks and valleys, about wins and losses. Life is about the journey. You hear that all the time. You’ve got to absorb that. You’ve got to know that. The journey has to become the destination because there is no true destination.

Do more of what has already been validated

Do more of what has already been validated. Most of us jump into the next project with little thought and then wonder why it doesn’t turn out like we hoped. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Take what’s been shown to work and make it yours.

Who do you need needing you?

Focus on improving the lives of those who matter to you. First, this requires that you figure out who matters to you most. You can’t please everyone. And to be free in life, you must be needed. Who do you need needing you? Now go and make their lives better.

Attachment undermines the very reason

When we raise our expectations for a student, a friend, or a co-worker, we open the door to possibility. We offer them dignity and a chance to grow. We are offering them trust. But if we become attached to those expectations, if the expectation unmet leads us to distress or unhappiness, then that attachment undermines the very reason we created the expectation in the first place.

A person’s choice of a spouse

A person’s choice of a spouse (or if they aren’t married, their closest lifelong partner) is much more revealing than anything they say or do in public. This choice tells you about their own innermost longings, expectations, and needs. It tells you what they think of themselves, and what they think they deserve in life (or will settle for). It is, I believe, the clearest indicator of priorities and values you will ever find.

It's easier to do something daily

It's easier to do something daily rather than a few times a week. Doing something every day turns desired behavior into default behavior. When willpower is lacking, routine takes over.

A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention

What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention, and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.

What topic are you curious about?

Take out a blank sheet of paper. Write out everything you already know about the subject you want to understand deeper. As you learn more about the topic, add it to your sheet. If you use a different color pen as you learn new things, you can literally watch your knowledge grow.

Shorten the distance

If you're having trouble getting started, shorten the distance between where you are and where you focus. Keep the goal but change the focus to the next step. You can't reach the top if you don't start.

The goal of life is to be a happy person

There is a perfect job out there for everyone. Most people never find it. Keep looking. The goal of life is to be a happy person, and the right job is essential to that.

Give them the benefit of the doubt

When you meet someone new, treat that person as a friend. Assume he or she is a winner and will become a positive force in your life. Most people wait for others to prove their value. Give them the benefit of the doubt from the start. Occasionally you will be disappointed, but your network will broaden rapidly if you follow this path.

Consume content that's relevant to you

Follow a few writers online whose work you value, instead of trying to follow everyone. Consume content that's relevant to you, and ignore everything else.

Not as a source of information

Use social media to connect with people, not as a source of information. If you do choose to use it for information, be aware of its limitations and biases.

Reframe frustration

When you're frustrated, take a step back and ask yourself:

How serious is this problem? Am I getting worked up over nothing?

Can I change something about how I view the problem that would completely change how I feel about it?

How can I handle this problem differently so I can direct my emotional energy to bigger, more important issues?

You are a jigsaw puzzle piece of a certain shape

You are a jigsaw puzzle piece of a certain shape. You could change your shape to fit an existing hole in the world. That was the traditional plan. But there's another way that can often be better for you and for the world: to grow a new puzzle around you.

No one is going to remember you in 100 years

No one is going to remember you in 100 years. So you might as well focus on what’s going to make you happy now, instead of what money might buy you in the future. Be happy while you are living, for you are a long time dead.

Reputations have momentum in both directions

Reputations have momentum in both directions because people want to associate with winners and avoid losers. The more successful you are the more people want to be associated with you – which is great. But that’s equally powerful in reverse.

Universal rules about how to get rich

There are a million ways to get rich, most of which involve exploiting specific niches and one-off opportunities, to say nothing of luck. Universal rules about how to get rich are hard to come by. But losing money, or losing happiness when you have money, or becoming a slave to your money – those stories tend to have common denominators. They are so common you can call them laws.

It’s a paradox to experience

Life is not a problem to be solved. It’s a paradox to experience. You can believe one thing and also believe its opposite.

In the grip of an ideology

If your opinions on one subject can be predicted from your opinions on another, you may be in the grip of an ideology. When you truly think for yourself, your conclusions will not be predictable.

Maybe regret is the best definition of risk

We spend so much time trying to quantify risk when the answer is just figuring out what you will or won’t regret. The purpose of life is to experience things for which you will later experience nostalgia. The opposite of regret.

Do you need to respond to this?

Life gets much less stressful when you realize that URGENT is very rarely that urgent. Pause and ask yourself: Do I really need to respond to this right now? This simple act of pausing will have a positive impact. Fighting back against the patterns and behaviors created by constant connectedness is a worthy pursuit. Fake Urgency pulls you away from Real Importance.

If it’s not a problem, it might be a situation

If it’s not a problem, it might be a situation. A complicated situation has no clear solution, no win-win, and no easy way forward. It’s simply a situation to be dealt with.

You just don't know what is important

When you have a clear mission and you are completely sure what is important to you, most decisions become easy. Once you're fully committed, you don't need rules for how to spend your time. It's obvious which decision to make. It's clear what to prioritize.

Never forced by circumstances

People who consistently get better results organize their lives in such a way that they are in a position to have better options and are never forced by circumstances into a bad decision.

If you are kind to someone

If you are kind to someone, they are kind back. If you go out of your way to help someone, they will help you back. If you make someone look good, they will make you look good. It doesn’t always happen in the moment, but it does happen. Instead of negatively coiling someone else, you positively coil them.

The news doesn’t make us informed

Our obsession with being informed makes it hard to think long-term. We spend hours consuming news because we want to be informed. The problem is, the news doesn’t make us informed – quite the opposite. The more news we consume, the more misinformed we become.

Whether we call it friendship family or romance

Love—whether we call it friendship family or romance—is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for another.

Curiosity is the best guide

Competition can be an effective motivator, but don’t let it choose the problem for you; don’t let yourself get drawn into chasing something just because others are. In fact, don’t let competitors make you do anything much more specific than work harder. Curiosity is the best guide. Your curiosity never lies, and it knows more than you do about what’s worth paying attention to.

Getting it right the first time

Evolution is powerful. It gives us the chance to revise, edit, and do what works while removing what doesn’t. Once we realize that there is almost no chance we’ll get it right the first time, we can embrace the opportunity to sign up for better instead of perfect. Get it wrong the first time and then make it better.

Was it your fault, or was it luck (good or bad)?

It could have been way better. It could have been far worse. It’s easy to imagine that outcomes are inevitable, but they’re not. When we rewrite our narrative of the past, we end up creating a different future. We have more control over that narrative than we give ourselves credit for.

Your reputation

Your reputation is your most important asset. It precedes you before you walk into the room and lingers long after the work is done.

All change requires a change in identity

In life, risks are real but often inflated with thought. All change requires a change in identity. You can't just take advice and expect it to give you the experience required to reach the level of goal you've set for yourself. When was the last time you actually took the advice you asked for? Out of all of the advice you've gotten, how much did you actually listen to? Most advice you get isn't applicable to your current level of goals and understanding.

Personality is an illusion

You are far more multi-faceted than you think, and because of this, you can stay calm in difficult situations. You instantly have an advantage over most when you understand that your ‘personality’ is an illusion. When your personality becomes mouldable, so too are your inputs - and your results improve.

Those who remain calm when others lose their heads

Chilling out means letting go of the perceived seriousness offered by your thoughts. When we buy into our thoughts, we literally become our thoughts because thoughts define our reality. You can end your life or someone else’s in a split second if you don’t nurture emotional control. Those who remain calm when others lose their heads do not allow their thoughts to consume them.

By simply walking away

Some problems, when well solved, lead to making things better. Some problems give us a chance to get back on course. And some problems are opportunities to be generous. But many of the problems that we seek to solve are actually invented, and maybe we could benefit by simply walking away.

No one fools you more than you

It’s tempting to believe that we’re not easy to fool. Not by a magician, a politician, or a banker. Other folks might be easily duped by a spammer or a hustler, but not us. And yet, no one fools you more than you. At some point, our ability to fool ourselves becomes toxic. It blocks our ability to create generous and useful work, and it eats away at our confidence and peace of mind.

When you look in the mirror

When you look in the mirror, do you see what others see, or is it possible you see someone far less (or far more) attractive than others do? Do we assume that our work is so good and so useful that anyone who doesn’t see that is confused or misguided? Perhaps we feel like an impostor, a fraud, or an unseen genius. These are all forms of self-deception. A useful way forward might be to ask, “Is it working?”

We get what we support

If we want to have the option of choosing something that isn’t ordinary course of convenient and cheap, we need to show up for the people who bring it to us. Working with people who want to work with us is a privilege and a delight. We get what we support.

Cultivate relationships for life

Your relationships keep you healthy. Human connection may be the ultimate medicine. Cultivate relationships for life. Be there for people during their times of darkness and they will be there during yours.

Don’t fear sadness

Don’t fear sadness, as it tends to sit right next to love. This is part of the fundamental balance and tension of life. The pain of loss comes in the same package as the joy of love. If you fear the former, you'll never experience the latter.

Embrace Time Well Spent

Make an effort to define what "time well spent" means to you and actively create space for activities that bring joy, such as learning something new or cherishing moments with friends and family.

The boring truth

It's easy to get energized to push when you're working on something sexy and seeing the results and rewards. It's much, much harder to get energized to push when everything is boring and you can't see any return on your investment. In the long run, winners are those who embrace the boring and see it through.

Finding Beauty in Resilience

We may not have control over the adversities we face, but we have the power to decide how we carry their weight. True beauty emerges when one faces significant challenges with a resilient spirit, not by being indifferent but through the strength of character.

The real skill is being able to enjoy today

True success requires savoring the moment. Don't delay gratification for the future; relish your achievements now. Work diligently, especially if you have a vision, but also set aside time for reflection. Balancing ambition with appreciation for today is the key.

It is very difficult to dislike someone who likes you

Most people insult others behind their backs. Do the opposite. Compliment them behind their backs. This is the easiest way to be well-liked and earn people’s goodwill which takes zero effort or money on your part.

You never know just by looking

Some people are motivated by the desire to thrive and others just want to not die. Others strive to be deliriously happy and even more would be thrilled to be anything other than depressed. All of us feel all kinds of reasons for all kinds of actions.

Learn to be bored

Learn to be bored until your own thoughts are not a problem anymore. As you come to terms with not requiring constant entertainment, you'll find pleasure in even the simplest activities, enhancing your focus and making it easier to immerse yourself in a state of flow.

Each second is an opportunity

When you are doing something hard in life, you are making a second-by-second decision to keep going. If you lose one of those seconds, you've lost. Each second is an opportunity to keep going or to quit.

The best new ideas always have unanticipated benefits

The best new ideas always have unanticipated benefits. So it's stupid to require people who want to do new things to enumerate the benefits beforehand. The best you can do is choose smart people and then trust their intuition about what's worth exploring.

See and feel and hear as much as possible

Spend some time in the environments where most of your day passes, and try this — close your eyes, wherever you are, and just remain absolutely still for a couple of minutes. Don’t try to meditate. Just become aware of what you’re hearing.

We’re all facing our own unique obstacles

It’s easy to fall into comparing yourself to others and to feel low as a result. But we’re all on our own path. What they are doing has nothing to do with you. We’re all facing our own unique obstacles. Have others be a source of inspiration, but if you feel worse through comparison, you must put blinders on and get back to doing it your way.

Big Goals create a perfect storm for unhappiness

Big Goals create a perfect storm for unhappiness. If we miss them, we feel like a failure. If we hit them, we feel a temporary satisfaction, followed by an odd darkness brought about by the Arrival Fallacy, purpose dissipation, and their extrinsic focus.

Getting to NO requires caring enough to make a difference

When we offer a generous “no” to someone we care about, we honor our work and their role in it. We care enough to offer them insight into the change we seek to make–and to tell them the truth about what we can’t do at the same time that we’re celebrating what we can do. Getting to NO requires caring enough to make a difference and being brave enough to tell the truth.

The way you depict your own life is important

The way you depict your own life is important. For some people, it's either revenge—they're always looking for someone else to blame and to get back at—or it's tragedy because the whole thing is such a bloody mess and they'll never get out of it. But the moment that you can forgive, you take back the power, and the healing waters flow.

They don't understand the information behind your decisions

People will think you are stupid for making "stupid" decisions. People will talk about you when you are making big changes. Most of the time, they just want to entertain themselves. They don't understand the information behind your decisions. You will learn to ignore them with time.

Regret is a necessary part of life

Regret is a necessary part of life. You can't avoid it. Most people dwell on their regrets as if they can change them. You have two options: view them as ugly stains that make life worse, or view them as cracks that can be sealed with better future decisions.

You go to bed thinking about it

When your mind is narrowed on your goal, distractions can't penetrate your frame. It's all you can focus on. You go to bed thinking about it. Your mind won't stop strategizing a plan to get you out of this situation. And once you gain clarity on what you must do, through study and action, you use that laser focus to build whatever is necessary to actualize the goal.

Nothing is always black or white

Everything exists on a spectrum. Everything is relative. Everything is a state of mind or consciousness. There are degrees of energy, productivity, creativity, intelligence, anger, sadness, happiness, calmness, stress, saltiness, sweetness, roughness, softness, brightness, and darkness. All of these blend together to create your human experience.

Death is right before your eyes

To learn to be always in a state of meditation means never to let your vital energy wane. You would never allow it to do so if it were certain that you were to die tomorrow. It wanes because you forget about death. Grit your teeth, fix your gaze, and observe death at this moment. You have to feel it so strongly that it seems as if it’s attacking you. Fearless energy comes from this. At this moment, death is right before your eyes. It’s not something you can afford to neglect.

You don't build an empire in a day

There is always something you can do today to get a little better, to move a little closer, to put yourself in a better position. It's not pretty. It's not sexy. It's not fast. It doesn't even make for a good story. But it works. You don't build an empire in a day. You build it brick by brick. Day by day. Consistent daily progress for a long period of time.

Consistently inched forward

When you focus on the outcome, the gap between where you are and where you want to go seems large. To cover ground quickly, the tendency is to look for a hack or shortcut. The problem is that no one who got the outcomes you wanted used a hack or shortcut to get them. Instead, they consistently inched forward.

It’s hard to believe in things we don’t see

It’s hard to believe in things we don’t see. But if we don’t live with the understanding that there are many inarticulable forms of knowledge, we miss out on hidden magic. We reject complexity. And the way we live becomes less beautiful and less nuanced as a result. Sometimes everything that’s valuable is contained in the part of the experience we can’t describe.

Document the important parts of your life

When you read a good book and stumble across a lesson that sparks excitement, write it down. When you feel fulfilled in the present because of the progress you are making, write it down. When you feel grateful that your past has led you to this moment, despite your mistakes, write it down. As your notes of signal grow, you have data from which you can replicate those experiences.

Have deeper conversations with those close to you

Short-form content is the current language of the internet. The average individual has trained their mind to think small, remain narrow, and have difficulty seeing into a positive future. To expand who we are to the point of vast knowledge, experience, and expertise we must expand our minds beyond superficial pleasures and problems. Read longer books. Listen to longer podcasts. Have deeper conversations with those close to you.

Life is experience and experience is information

When you are overwhelmed with information, you feel anxious. When you are underwhelmed with information, you feel bored. To maximize the flow of information, think of your mind as the digestive system of reality. If you eat too much or don't move enough, you won't metabolize that experience. If you eat too little or move too much, you get hungry and agitated. When you eat just enough, you create an environment that is conducive to mental muscle growth. You trek through reality toward your goals. You enter a season of pure progress, and the feeling is incredible.

We don't want to be at war with life

When you feel tension, stress, or negative emotions arise you must train yourself to pause. When you pause, identify both the expectation in your mind and the reality of the situation. We don't want to be at war with life, we want to be at one with it. We don't want to fight with it but flow with it. Let go of the irrational beliefs that hold you back and act regardless of how you feel, because you can.

We all have plenty to improve

People spend a lot of time talking about other people's bodies, gossiping about other people's relationships, critiquing other people's business, etc. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Work on your body. Nurture your relationships. Improve your business.

Give to Get

Want people to help you unlock your biggest problem?

→ Help them first.

Want people to share their biggest fears or mistakes?

→ Share yours first.

Want access to a game-changing connection?

→ Offer an intro first.

See the pattern? Throw the value boomerang. It will return to you many times over.

Give yourself a lot of shots to get lucky

Give yourself a lot of shots to get lucky' is even better advice than it appears on the surface. Luck isn’t an independent variable but increases super-linearly with more surface area—you meet more people, make more connections between new ideas, learn patterns, etc.

Focus requires you to stop focusing

Many spend their lives trying to be more focused. But this just makes you more stressed, and you inevitably lose focus. You must learn to embrace chaos and discomfort. The most focused people don't focus. They let go.

Explore life from a position of power

When you believe, "Even if I stay single, I'll still have a great life" ... then you are in a much better position to enter a relationship. When you believe, "Even if I don't succeed with this business, I'll still have a great life" ... then you are in a much better position to give it a try.

Sure, you may want the relationship to work or the business to be a success—and you should give it your best effort—but also realize that if it doesn't work out, you'll be fine. There are many ways to live a great life.

Being able to see another person's perspective

One of the most valuable skills in life is being able to see another person's perspective. One version of confidence is: I've got this figured out. Another version is: I can figure this out. The first is arrogant and close-minded. The second is humble and open-minded. Be humble about what you know, but confident about what you can learn.

When someone trusts you to share their work

When a friend shows you work in progress, your best contribution is to imagine the point of view and preferences of the person it is being created for.  When a friend shows you something that’s finished, the most important thing you can do is find two or three truthful and positive things to say. When someone trusts you to share their work and cares enough about the world to bring the work forward, that’s already two things worth applauding.

Hurry has a limit

We can do our work as fast as makes sense, but not faster. Regardless of external pressure. Sometimes, we establish false limits so we can leave room for when we need to hurry up. But hurry has a limit, and lowering our standards doesn’t stand the test of time. They are standards for a reason.

Anger is a tool that can be taken out as needed

Anger is a tool that can be taken out as needed. It can be put away the moment the phone rings and pulled out again after one hangs up. Anger is a means to achieve a goal. Personal anger is nothing but a tool for making others submit to you. Anger is a form of communication, and that communication is possible without using anger. … Emotions don't somehow exist independently. It is a lie to separate “I” from “emotion” and think, “It was the emotion that made me do it.”

There’s a difference between intellectual and smart

There are a couple of reasons we might resist help from someone who is smart:

– It exposes us to change and all the emotions that come from that. If we insulate ourselves from useful insight, we can stay put, stuck, with no changes required.

– It can make us seem dumb in comparison. It might be better to live with the problem than be seen as someone who didn’t know about it.

Access to smart is easier than ever before. But we need to seek it out.

If you're not all in

If you want me to go all in on you, you better be all in on what we're doing together. If you're not all in, if you are only kind of into it, I don't want to work with you.

Speaking up is a skill

For many, the imagined cost of speaking up is almost always higher than the actual cost. And we live with the cost in our imagination daily, dying a little bit over time as we keep our insights to ourselves. Speaking up is a skill, and we can only improve it with practice.

Paradoxes abound in this life

You will understand that nothing lasts forever, not pain, or joy. You will understand that joy cannot exist without sadness. Relief cannot exist without pain. Compassion cannot exist without cruelty. Courage cannot exist without fear. Hope cannot exist without despair. Wisdom cannot exist without suffering. Gratitude cannot exist without deprivation. Paradoxes abound in this life. Living is an exercise in navigating within them.

I do not have the answer to the question of why

I do not have the answer to the question of why, at least not now and not in this life. But I do know that there is incredible value in pain and suffering if you allow yourself to experience it, to cry, to feel sorrow and grief, to hurt. Walk through the fire and you will emerge on the other end, whole and stronger.

See the beauty in the things that are nearby

People often think that something "far off" will make them happy. Moving to a new place or getting a different job or meeting someone new will change how they feel. But happiness will always be withheld if you believe it is somewhere else. The secret is to find happiness in the people and places that are close to you. See the beauty in the things that are nearby.

Adults do well when they seek to be childlike

Childlike involves wonder. It’s the ability to see the world with fresh eyes and create magic. Childish, on the other hand, is living as if there are no consequences. Over time, we’ve gotten very good at measuring the long and short-term consequences of our actions. And good at ignoring them. Adults do well when they seek to be childlike, and that’s possible without being childish.

If we are suffering and the person we love ignores us

If we are suffering and the person we love ignores us, we suffer more. So what you can do—right away—is to manifest your true presence to your beloved and say with all your mindfulness: "Dear one, I know you are suffering. That is why I am here for you." And already your loved one will feel better."

It's essential to work on something you're deeply interested in

It's essential to work on something you're deeply interested in. Interest will drive you to work harder than mere diligence ever could. The three most powerful motives are curiosity, delight, and the desire to do something impressive. Sometimes they converge, and that combination is the most powerful of all.

Don't keep trying to open a locked door

Some things work and some things don't. There is almost always another way to get where you want to go. Don't keep trying to open a locked door.

We should seek out art that brings us mixed feelings

We should seek out art that brings us mixed feelings, and use our mixed feelings in our own work. Mixed feelings can be confusing, but they can also be our richest, most complex feelings. Mixed feelings are a deep well to dip into — but you’ve got to have a bucket with a long rope, and it takes a lot of time and strength to lower it down and pull it back up.

People want to be part of something exciting

People want to be part of something exciting and feel that their work matters. If you are making progress on an important problem, you will have a constant tailwind of people wanting to help you. Let yourself grow more ambitious, and don’t be afraid to work on what you really want to work on.

The effort is 100% in our control

The effort is 100% in our control. Outcomes sometimes aren’t. Fixating what we can’t control is a recipe for burnout.

The hope is based on something that came before

The thing is, there’s never just truth, because we’re talking about the future. So we base our hope on what has come before. And there’s never just hope. The hope is based on something that came before, some clue or hint or track record that makes us believe.

Dreams and roadblocks

The first step is to imagine what the people you serve want and care about it. The second is to figure out why they don’t have it yet. If you can help people get to where they seek to go, when they’re ready to get there, the stuff called marketing gets significantly easier.

We all think we should like to lead a simple life

We all think we should like to lead a simple life, and then we find that we have picked up a thousand little habits which we are quite unconscious of because they are a part of our very being-and these habits are not in the simple life. There is no going back-except as a broken man.

On being vulnerable

Write the story that you were always afraid to tell. Let me tell you that there is magic in it, and if you show yourself naked for me, I'll be naked for you. It will be our covenant.

Scars of Honor

When body skin was marked, you became yourself. And so you trace the impacts with your finger, barely remembering how much it hurt to acquire, but reveling in how good it feels to own. If a scar is your treasure, you understand that nobody is perfect, and nobody should ever even aim to be.

Cothes From A Lost Body

It certainly doesn’t fit you, and the former owner certainly doesn’t fit into your today—at least, not neatly. But you keep it folded in the back of your least-used drawer, where it softly and only occasionally reminds you of their no-longer-presence. If you have one of these, you know that ghosts are real, and you realize that you’re one of them to at least one someone else.

We must choose between a life that is thin and narrow

We must choose between a life that is thin and narrow, uncreative and mechanical, with the assurance that even if it is not very exciting it will not be intolerably painful; and a life in which the increase in its fullness and creativeness brings a vast increase in delight, but also in pain and hurt.

The capacity for joy is also the capacity for pain

In imagination, we feel sure that it would be lovely to live with a full and rich awareness of the world. But in practice, sensitiveness hurts. It is not possible to develop the capacity to see beauty without developing also the capacity to see ugliness, for they are the same capacity. The capacity for joy is also the capacity for pain.

Eliminate Sedentary Shortcuts

Focus on identifying and eliminating shortcuts that discourage physical activity. Prioritize actions that align with your natural urge to move and avoid sedentary habits.

You should be able to be as wrong as you want to be

You should be able to be as wrong as you want to be, but we don't have to algorithmically boost those errors. Freedom of speech and freedom of reach are different things.

The Internet is big enough and friction-free

The Internet is big enough and friction-free enough such that you can be a complete lunatic who everyone knows is a complete lunatic. And yet you create an ecosystem that enough people love. And you can figure out how to monetize it. You can have an audience of a million people forever.

Ability to start over.

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. It takes persistence to continue climbing the mountain. It takes courage to climb down and start fresh on a new one.

What are the thorns that I would choose?

There's no such thing as an easy path in life. Every path before you has roses, but also thorns. The question we all need to ask ourselves is: What are the thorns that I would choose? We cannot hope to avoid the struggle and pain along the way, but we can choose the type of struggle and pain we will endure.

There needn't be a before and after within your life

There needn't be a before and after within your life—it can all be fluid, a DURING. The goal is to design a life that you don't need to retire from. A life that has the freedom to balance fulfilling work with the relationships, hobbies, experiences, and pursuits through which you derive joy. But I'm not going to tell you that this is easy. What I am going to tell you is that it is possible—particularly if you have an awareness of the goal and build toward it incrementally.

What if that future is something of a mirage?

In most cases, the future is glamorized in our minds as an idyllic land of free time, health, prosperity, loving relationships, and freedom. What if that future is something of a mirage? What if, as we, the famished voyager, approach, it slowly melts away and reappears further out on the horizon? What if we reach the idyllic land and find it strikingly less idyllic than we had envisioned?

Very few things happen for no reason

Very few things happen for no reason. If you suddenly fall in love, if you develop a weird compulsion, if you’re incredibly anxious for no reason… there is a reason. You have to look for the reason. If there are all these things going weirdly wrong in your life and you aren’t looking for a reason you’re probably in denial.

If your writing comes with no risk

Some people will dissect your viewpoint, disagree with it completely, or even troll you. Not only does this come with the territory, but it’s also the path through which good writing emerges. If you never piss anyone off, you’re not saying anything. If you can’t tell your true stories and your truth, you can’t be a real writer. If your writing comes with no risk, you have nothing worth saying. The value is all in your viewpoint.

Friendship is essential to our lives

It doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor; friendship is essential to our lives. If we are rich and prosperous, then we will need friends to partake in our beneficence and to help protect our prosperity. Conversely, if you are poor, friendship is viewed as one of the only refuges from misery.

But what if we’re wrong?

Sometimes, being wrong is a minor embarrassment, with very little real cost. And sometimes, it leads to significant costs, a one-way choice we can’t undo. It turns out that considering the downside of confidence might be a worthwhile investment. Resilience is an asset.

Grief and love are forever intertwined

It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That's the deal. That's the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is a terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.

Once you’ve read a lot

One sign you haven’t done enough reading is if you find yourself agreeing with whatever book you read last. At first, it’s easy to be swayed by any reasonable argument. Once you’ve read a lot, you can see that even the best arguments have limitations.

What hard but necessary conversation am I putting off?

It is easy to hope things will change without our intervention. They rarely do. Instead of just focusing on the discomfort, visualize how things could improve afterward. Acknowledge it’s hard. Labeling it as such somehow makes it easier for everyone involved.

We don’t have enough resources

We used to have a very strong understanding from the elite in the world that more trade was actually good. We also used to neglect the fact that it’s not good for everyone. We don’t have enough resources to deliver everything to everyone.

Not Everyone is Out to Get You

If you ever feel that the world is against you, you are not alone. We all have a tendency to assume that when anything goes wrong, the fault lies within some great conspiracy against us. Relax. Not Everyone is Out to Get You

Chasing cool

The cool thing is always a little out of reach. And for most of us, once we get it, it’s not seen as cool any more. This is not an accident. One definition of cool is things that are just out of reach.

If we avoid hard things

If we avoid hard things, anything mildly challenging will seem insurmountable. We’ll cry into Facebook over an errant period at the end of a text message. We’ll see ourselves as incapable of learning new skills, taking on new careers, and escaping bad situations. The proof you can do hard things is one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself.

The ability to do hard things

Our self-image is composed of historical evidence of our abilities. The more hard things you push yourself to do, the more competent you will see yourself to be.

Look for a way of life

Beware of looking for goals. Look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living within that way of life.

Being good at what you do is partially about competence

Being good at what you do is partially about competence, but not exclusively.

Two other things that matter: Reliability. You do what you say you're going to do—on time and as expected. Enthusiasm. You're excited to be here and eager to work on this problem. Skills matter, but in many cases, it's your reliability or attitude that separates you from the pack.

It's easier to fend off a bad day

Avoiding mistakes is an underrated way to improve. It's easier to fend off a bad day than achieve a perfect day. Rather than do your best, avoid your worst.

Staying with a problem a little longer

The difference between failure and success is often just staying with a problem a little longer. One more rep. One more step. One more minute. One more revision. One more attempt. The difference between average and outstanding is often just one more.

You absolutely need habits to function

You absolutely need habits to function. You cannot solve every problem in life as if it is the first time it’s thrown at you.

We only learn what we need to know after we've done it

As we live our lives, we find ourselves confronted with a brute fact about how little we can know about our futures—just when it is most important to us that we do know. For many big life choices, we only learn what we need to know after we've done it, and we change ourselves in the process of doing it. I'll argue that, in the end, the best response to this situation is to choose based on whether we want to discover who we'll become.

A talent grows by being used

A talent grows by being used, and withers if it is not used. Closing the gap between expectation and reality can be painful, but it has to be done sooner or later.

Relax physically

You have control over how physically uptight you are. Drop your shoulders right now. A relaxed body instantly relaxes the mind. And with a more relaxed mind, your world will appear brighter, more delicious.

Curiosity is valuable

Curiosity is valuable because being open to learning new things makes you more informed and well-rounded. It increases your intelligence, creativity, and problem-solving abilities and supports your efforts to stay current, connected, and innovative.

What is small is not small in itself

What is small is not small in itself, just as that which is great is not—great. A great and eternal beauty passes through the whole world, and it is distributed fairly over that which is small and that which is large; for in such important and essential matters, no injustice is to be found on earth.

The hard part is choosing

The hard part isn’t good ideas. It never has been. The hard part is choosing. The hard parts have always been the guts to choose and the will to put in the effort to bring your choice to the people who need it.

Social Rest

Spend quality time with people who energize and uplift you. Reduce the time spent with individuals who drain your energy. If you're an introvert, schedule alone time to recharge.

Take a break from worrying

An initial period of concentration—conscious, directed attention—needs to be followed by some amount of unconscious processing…the key to solving a problem is to take a break from worrying, move the problem to the back burner, and let the unwatched pot boil.

Entertain some public humiliation

Use the very human discomfort we all feel when we fall short of our promises and commitments. When we state our commitment to another human, we're more likely to complete it. We want to avoid the pain of falling short and looking sheepish come deadline day. Use that.

When the future finds us

The future never arrives, of course, but it has a powerful force that’s impossible to avoid. We can see it as a threshold, a doorway toward something new. Or we can fight it as an unwanted change, and discover that it has traction, tenacity, and leverage. We can influence the future, but we can’t pretend it doesn’t exist.

Throwing shade or throwing light?

One takes a little more effort than the other. While throwing shade might be more fun, it eventually runs out of energy. It’s designed to end conversations, not start them, to intimidate, not encourage. Turning on lights helps everyone.

Go a little bit out of your depth

If you feel safe in the area that you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.

Passion is a feeling that follows action

Passion is a feeling that follows action. It tends to be created or discovered, not predicted or planned. You don't find your passion. It finds you as you get in the mix and try things.

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, the responsibility lies with you.

Our emotional baggage only gets heavier as we age

Our emotional baggage only gets heavier as we age, making it even trickier to forge meaningful friendships. Fear of rejection grips us tightly, but we must remember that rejection doesn't define our worth—it simply means we're not a good fit. So let's be vulnerable, flaws and all because that's how genuine connections are built.

Cherish every exchange like it is your last

For all you know, today might be the last time you walk in a particular neighborhood. Or it might be the last time you smile at a particular someone. To think otherwise, would be foolish. Nothing is guaranteed, except this moment. Your only real choice is to cherish every exchange like it is your last — because it very well might be.

Start modestly

List everything you want to do today or tomorrow. Set priorities by dividing the items into A, B, and C categories. At the least, accomplish the A items. Try the same thing with long-term goals. Priorities do shift, and you can change them at any time, but simply getting them down in black and white adds clarity to your life, and clarity creates energy.

It's better to make a wrong choice than none at all

You can't do everything, but you can do one thing, and then another and another. In terms of energy, it's better to make a wrong choice than none at all. You might begin by listing your priorities—for the day, for the week, for the month, for a lifetime.

Somebody has to be leading and somebody has to be following

There are a lot of things that are replacing our desire for connection and intimacy. For any kind of attraction to happen, somebody has to be leading and somebody has to be following.

Start embracing the beauty of tiny wins

We live in a culture that endlessly promotes and celebrates the achievement of the extraordinary. As such, we conflate success with the achievement of the extraordinary. When we convince ourselves that success is only defined by the monster's achievement, we create a perfect storm for Self-Handicapping. To fight back, start embracing the beauty of tiny wins. Find purpose, joy, and fulfillment in the small—in the process, not the prize.

Your preference is not universal

You’re entitled to it, and we will do our best to help you find what you want. But it’s unlikely that what you want is what everyone wants. It’s hard to believe that there is only one appropriate standard for value, observance, speed, or performance. The easiest way for us to help you is to not waste time arguing about whether you’ve uncovered a natural law that we’ve been ignoring and instead, let’s simply find out what you want. “I like it when…” is so much more productive than, “everyone wants…”

Peer support

“Peer” is a job title, and it’s earned. One way to earn it is by finding others, connecting them, and leading them. We spend our lives looking for peers to accept us, but in fact, we have the chance to establish the foundation for our peers to find each other. While most people say that when they’re a stranger in a room, they’d like to be warmly greeted, it’s also true that we hesitate to be the greeter when a new voice arrives. That’s a natural instinct, and worth pushing back against.

Be cautious and daring at the same time

One of the great balancing acts in life is to be cautious and daring at the same time. Cautious enough to avoid stupid mistakes, prevent burnout, and maintain a margin of safety. Daring enough to bet on yourself, to do the things you would regret leaving undone and to be willing to be uncomfortable in the short term so you can learn and grow in the long term.

Focus on getting better

People usually judge you based on where you are currently, not what you could become eventually. Don't let one comment stop you from trying. File it away or use it as fuel. Focus on getting better. Someone else's analysis of your current position doesn't tell you anything about your current potential.

Overstuffed

The empty part of the drawer is what makes it a useful tool. The same goes for a filing cabinet, a toolbox, and a calendar. Slack is underrated.

You might be right

The best response is often, "You might be right." The next time someone disagrees with you or criticizes you, just shrug your shoulders and say, 'You might be right,' and watch the energy change. If you care about the outcome, focus on what's right, not who is right. Keep the goal in mind.

Stop Digging

When you're in a rut, it's like a car stuck in the mud. Trying to force your way out by revving the engine only digs you deeper. Rest is crucial, but we often see it as unproductive or wasteful. Break free from this belief. Upgrade your mindset by eliminating negativity and stopping negative self-talk. Allow yourself the time and space to rest and recharge.

Misinformation can spread at incredible speeds

The amount of energy necessary to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it. This is particularly important and challenging in the age of high-velocity information sharing that social media has brought on. Misinformation can spread at incredible speeds, as it takes much longer for research, fact-checking, and logic-based reasoning to catch up and refute it.

Ride the virtuous circle of passion-practice-skill

Passion for something leads to disproportionate time practicing or working at it. That time spent eventually translates to skill, and when skill improves, results improve. Better results generally lead to more enjoyment, more passion and more time is invested. It can be a virtuous cycle all the way to extraordinary results.

You can be relaxed and dedicated

Many people care more about being right than being happy. You can be relaxed and dedicated. Just because you worry more, doesn't mean you care more.

Reality will temper both optimism and pessimism

Don’t set a too high bar, or you’ll be depressed by everything and everyone that can’t reach it. Reality will temper both optimism and pessimism.

Reality - Expectations = Happiness

You will never be happy unless your expectations are exceeded. If you think the world owes you something, you're going to end up disappointed. The world doesn't owe you anything. You can't sit around waiting for the world to come and hand you what you think you deserve. If you want something to happen, you have to take action. Go positive and go first.

Ambitions pull you forward when it's hard

Ambitions pull you forward when it's hard. They connect you to something larger. One of my most important ambitions is to be a great mentor and friend. Another is to leave the world a better place than I found it. You can't have a meaningful life without a connection to something larger than yourself.

The Noise Bottleneck

We think the more information we consume the more signal we’ll consume. Only the mind doesn’t work like that. When the volume of information increases, our ability to comprehend the relevant from the irrelevant becomes compromised. We place too much emphasis on irrelevant data and lose sight of what’s really important.

How do you define your own scoreboard

We must define “success” for ourselves. Everyone else’s definition will leave us empty. There’s nothing wrong with being rich and famous. But if we spend our lives chasing the world’s scoreboard, we will lose. So, this raises the question: How do you define your own scoreboard?

Proactively ask about your friends’ lives

Proactively ask about your friends’ lives. A lot of people have trouble talking about stuff that’s troubling them… it’s on you to ask. Choose friends whom you’re genuinely interested in—people can sense it when you’re asking out of obligation rather than interest.

You should be super proud of your friendships

Be friends with people you can genuinely, effusively praise to everyone. You should be super proud of your friendships. If you aren’t there’s something wrong.

Carving out time is important

Carving out time is important, whether it be for calls or in-person hangouts. You can’t feel close to someone unless you’re consistently putting in the time.

This day will never come again

It's hard to remember that this day will never come again. That the time is now and the place is here and that there are no second chances at a single moment.

A reminder from your future self

A reminder from your future self:

“If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.”

Human nature is not to continually strive for better

Human nature is not to continually strive for better. Human nature is to get “good enough” and then relax. That’s one reason it’s so hard to sustain success. We get good, think it’s good enough, and then settle in. Eventually, our complacency leads to our demise.

The enemy doesn’t care

They will find your emotional breaking points and exploit them. The enemy doesn’t care. You must perform, in any situation, regardless of what’s happening. We face “enemies” every day — some internal, some external — yet we still have responsibilities. We still need to perform.

Tune In & Tune Out

Tune in to the things that matter and that you care deeply about. This could be your work, your relationships, or your hobbies.  Tune into yourself. Be yourself and let the “me flag” go wild.

Tune out the things you can't control or don't matter, such as politics or the news cycle. Focusing on the things that matter to you will help you stay motivated and focused on your goals.

Get to the point

Whatever it is you’re doing, get to the point.

Have to resign from a job? Get to the point.

Disagree with someone? Get to the point.

Have to propose someone? Get to the point.

Writing a blog post? Get to the point.

Fluff is not cool. Getting to the point is.

You are empathetic by getting to the point.

Be remarkable in the right rooms

Be remarkable in the right rooms: Both real-life & digital spaces. Being noticed is not the same as being remarkable. Running down the street naked will get you noticed, but it won’t accomplish much. It’s easy to pull off a stunt, but not useful.

How I’d think about spending time with the right people:

Spend 1/3 of your time with mentors. People ahead of you. Find people who have walked the path you want to walk and try to walk like them.

Spend 1/3 of your time with peers. People on your level. Hang out with people in “your boat”. Share ideas, offer advice, support them and most importantly — listen.

Spend 1/3 of your time with people who look up to you. People who are behind you in the game of life. Not only is it good karma to help out, but you will learn a lot about yourself by helping others walk the path you’ve been on. 

Constantly edit this list of people. Keep it changing because you’re changing too.

Write It Down to Ensure Clarity

When you write something down, you are forcing yourself to articulate exactly what you want to do and acknowledge the commitment you're making. This also shifts your focus from something you want to do to work on the things that keep you from doing it.

Skipping the good days

When we’re young, or the project is going really well, it’s easy to waste the good days. After all, there will be another one tomorrow. What becomes clear, though, is that good days are precious. When you’re feeling even a little creative, don’t wait. Write it down, roll tape, and speak up. When you’re feeling reasonably healthy, go for a walk. They’re all good days if we choose.

Boundaries and scarcity aren’t simply impediments

You’re rarely going to get the freedom and resources to do your best work unfettered. The hard part (and the opportunity) is to figure out how to get comfortable with fettered. Because fettered is what’s on offer. Boundaries and scarcity aren’t simply impediments. They’re leverage points and opportunities.

Avoid unnecessary amplifiers

This is extremely unique vs This is unique,

I’m very upset vs I’m upset, and

I love you a ton vs I love you

Sometimes, more words aren’t better.

There are no stupid mistakes

There are mistakes. These are moments when reality teaches us something. And there’s stupid. This is what happens when we refuse to learn from our mistakes. “Don’t be stupid” is a fine mantra. It’s particularly apt when talking about cultural forces, political agendas, and our thoughtless impulses. It’s also useful to remember to “make productive and generous mistakes.” And to learn from them.

An event or a journey?

They’re easy to confuse. An event happens at a date certain, then it’s over, nothing more to be done. A journey might include an event, but it’s bigger than that, and ongoing. A wedding is an event, a marriage is a journey. The week a book is published is an event, while the creation, publication and lifespan of the ideas in the book are a journey. The focus and energy we lavish on events can easily distract us from the journeys we care about.

Don't Rush

Hurry, sure. We need to hurry. Hurry puts it up on our priority list. Hurry gives us urgency and focus. But rushing is something that leads to errors and then apologies. “I’m sorry, I rushed it,” is not something we want to hear. But hurry.

It's not easy

It's not easy to make it look easy. Sometimes, you don’t need to bother. Making it look hard might be a plus. The important part is how it makes the recipient feel.

Sooner or later, we find a place to hide

Sooner or later, we find a place to hide. A place of security or sustenance. A place of safety. That sort of foundation can give us peace of mind and open the door to possibility. But, it’s possible that we can turn it into a trap as well. A situation so perfectly created that we’re stuck. Stuck without forward motion, stuck with a narrative of insufficiency or suffering.

Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted

Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted. It comes and goes on its own schedule. Grief does not obey your plans or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love. The only way that I can “handle” Grief, then, is the same way that we “handle” Love — by not “handling” it. By bowing down before its power, in complete humility.

If you don’t tell your story you lose it

If you don’t tell your story you lose it—or, what might be worse, you get lost inside it. Telling is how we cement details, preserve continuity, and stay sane. We say ourselves into being every day, or else.

More is More

More hope. More health. More security. More innovation. More breakthroughs. More connection. More creation. More joy. The climate movement doesn’t have to be about asking individuals to bear the burden of systemic problems. It’s not about living with less.  It’s about demanding more.  From your employer, your community, your local government, and your country.  The more we ask for change at the top, the more we work to change our systems, and the more likely we are to get it. 

Question to ponder upon

If I do nothing, what will happen? If I act right now, what will happen?

Sometimes you need to let go. Sometimes you need to get going.

Creativity makes you more creative

The secret to success lies in understanding the gentle beauty of momentum. But make sure it’s taking you in the right direction. You’ll know it’s right because it feels right in your gut. We get depressed for one reason: our body tells us we’re building momentum in the wrong thing. Don’t slip. Get moving with what is good for you.

If in doubt, take on winning habits

If you’re looking for a definition of ‘happiness,’ this is it: take on the habits of winners. What are they for you? You’re not stupid. You know that certain things make you feel worse overall. Life is super simple in this way. Do loser habits and feel like a loser. Do winner habits every day and feel like a winner. When you feel like a winner you will do better. It’s that simple.

Being OK with hearing NO is a superpower

One of the common traits I see among those who seem to succeed at higher levels and rarely give up is this: They are ok with a no. They don’t take a ‘no’ personally. What do I mean by ‘no’ here? Any form of rejection, failed experiment, or loss can be seen as a no. People who go far know that a ‘no’ is just data received on the journey to success. People who take NOs seriously are more susceptible to quitting.

The consistent ability to show up

The single biggest thing that separates people is the consistent ability to show up and do the work. The consequences of failing to show up consistently are getting the results you deserve but not the ones you want.

Your thoughts on paper

If you can’t read and write, you can’t think. Your thoughts are dispersed if you don’t know how to read and write. You’ve got to be able to look at your thoughts on paper and discover what a fool you were.

Create something, anything

Creating is the literal expression of a confident soul. So create. This includes reaching out to say hi. It includes even drawing and writing. It means knocking off an item on your to-dos. Start small if you need to, and see how you feel when you choose to create over react.

Think less

It’s easy to believe we need to control our lives through incessant analysis. Chill for a moment. When we cloud our minds with all of this clever thinking, we block the inner creative flow.  Confidence appears when we’re relaxed in mind and body.

Artists must be allowed to go through bad periods

Artists must be allowed to go through bad periods! They must be allowed to do bad work! They must be allowed to get in a mess! They must be allowed to have dud experiments! They must also be allowed to have periods where they repeat themselves in a rather aimless, fruitless way before they can pick up and go on.

The path of the problem solver

The path of the problem solver, or value creator, is how you escape the world of replaceability. Fall in love with the challenge that problems present, from superficial to metaphysical, and your ideal future will create itself. This is the infinite game.

Your character is your concept of self

Life is a game and your character determines the outcome. Your character is malleable. That's the first realization you must make. You can change. No matter how painful. No matter what your mind tells you. No matter how much you want to cling to the comforts of your current life that are causing more destruction than you think. Your character is your concept of self: who you think you are.

Outcome over ego

If someone admits they made a mistake, have the grace to let it go. Holding it over them ensures they won't be quick to admit they were wrong in the future.

Do more of what’s working

It’s crazy how many people see success in their lives or businesses and then do nothing to exploit the win. Identify what’s working for you right now. Write down all the examples of this. You will find many. When we succeed, we receive a very clear signal of the direction we can take. How can you ensure you do more of what has shown to work? Squeeze every last drop out of those things that are proven to work. Be obsessed with identifying wins and doubling down on those wins. That’s how you astound yourself and those around you.

It’s Okay to Outgrow the Life You Thought You Wanted

What happens when you step into the life you’ve worked for, and realize it no longer feels as fulfilling as you imagined it would? It's absolutely alright to outgrow your past aspirations and goals. "Sometimes, learning what you don’t want might be as important as discovering what you do. That’s growing, too."

People need admiration and respect

People don't need enormous cars; they need admiration and respect. They don't need a constant stream of new clothes; they need to feel that others consider them to be attractive, and they need excitement and variety, and beauty. People don't need electronic entertainment; they need something interesting to occupy their minds and emotions. And so forth.

Know how to leave things alone

Know how to leave things alone, for if knowing how to refuse is one of life's great lessons, an even greater one is knowing how to say no to yourself, to important people, and in business. There are non-essential activities, moths of precious time, and it's worse to take an interest in irrelevant things than to do nothing at all.

If you want to matter more

If you want to matter more, speak to other people’s needs. If you want to matter more, chose to hope more can be. If you want to matter more, offend fewer. If you want to matter more, say so honestly. If you want to matter more, fight for better. If you want to matter more, learn the absolute costs of things. If you want to matter more, do the math on the immeasurable. If you want to matter more, fight for good ideas, not against random people. If you want to matter more, focus on your strengths.

Show Up Daily

Don’t look for inspiration. Forget motivation. They are consequences. Do what you want to do. Systematically. No matter what. Doing it even when it appears difficult or the results aren’t that great, is the strategy that allows you to reach just about any goal, no matter how big or ambitious it is. Showing up every day. “Motivation will only come once we have started a task or behavior, not before we get going.”

Any idea that is currently working has passed a lot of tests

More often than not the better way to create value is to take up and refine/improve an existing idea. Not trying to create something altogether new. “When you are dealing with a complex problem, it is usually better to build on top of what already works. Any idea that is currently working has passed a lot of tests. Old ideas are a secret weapon because they have already managed to survive in a complex world. Iterate, don’t originate.

We must live life forward

We must live life forward and attempt to make sense of it backward. So we fail in both directions.

You cannot control what happens

I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value. You cannot control what happens, but you can control your reaction to it.

Always hunt antelope

A lion is capable of hunting field mice, but the prize would not be a sufficient reward for the energy required to do so. Instead, the lion must focus on the antelope, which do require considerable energy to hunt, but provide a sufficient reward.

In whatever you are pursuing, are you hunting antelope or field mice? Are you focusing on the big, weighty, important tasks that will provide a sufficient reward for your energy? Or are you burning calories chasing the tiny wins that won't move the needle?

Ask yourself this question from time and time and use your answer to reset as necessary.

You can outwork someone by outsmarting them

You can outwork someone by outsmarting them. The person who digs a hole with their hands is quickly passed by someone who uses a shovel. Outsmarting is a form of leverage. The combination of smarter and harder makes you unstoppable.

Time assets vs. Time debts

Time assets are choices that save you time in the future. Think: saying no to a meeting, automating a task, working on something that persists and compounds.

Time debts are choices that must be repaid and cost you time in the future. Think: saying yes to a meeting, doing sloppy work that will need to be revised, etc.

Time assets are an investment. Time debts are an expense.

Nurture your social connections

Deliberately choose to spend time with the important people in your life. Call, video chat, or go for a walk to keep up with them.

Who are your linchpins?

Every community needs to have a linchpin: the glue that holds it together. A linchpin could be a teammate, a group leader, or simply the one friend who always makes the meetups happen. Regardless, the linchpin is incredibly important, because they are the one who keeps the group moving toward a common goal. Without linchpins, communities would fall apart as inertia sets in and people drift away from one another.

One way to become luckier is to show up consistently

When people trust that you'll do what you say when you say it, not only will they want to work with you, but they'll want you to be successful. You can't build anything meaningful when you show up inconsistently. In the short term, you are as good as your intensity. In the long term, you are only as good as your consistency.

Commitment is that mirror

What most men call “seeking liberation” or “not wanting to be tied down” is really nothing more than avoiding pain. The wounded masculine is a vagrant, meandering through the wilderness, jumping from place to place and woman to woman. He runs all over, searching for himself everywhere except in the mirror.

Commitment is that mirror. Commitment forms the crucible that forces you to face yourself. Men who tell you to avoid commitment are telling you to avoid your demons. And the paradox is that until you face your demons, you will never be free.

No human brain is that smooth

I’ve never met anyone ever permanently attached to a single way of thinking. No human brain is that smooth. We all have our moments of optimism, pessimism, pragmatism, and fabulism. We contain multitudes of attitudes, oscillating between philosophies as a matter of situational observation.

Ask life-improving questions

If we allow any old thought into our heads, and stew on those concerns, we lose control. Take the power back by regularly asking soul-quenching questions that keep us on the right track: a creative and healthy track. Ask questions like: ‘If I knew exactly how to solve my most pressing challenge, what ONE thing would I do to solve it today?’ You may surprise yourself by how many solutions are already shelved away in that thick noggin of yours.

Ask empowering questions. Ask questions that prompt a life of intrigue and enjoyment.

Start being honest with yourself

Start being honest with yourself when you take on a new task or commitment — ask yourself, are you doing it because it is 'right' for you, or because you want to get approval and avoid disapproval?

A gap between expectations and reality

When you realize how powerful expectations are, you put as much effort into keeping them low as you do into improving your circumstances. Happiness, contentment, joy … all of those things come from experiencing a gap between expectations and reality.

Everyone strives for a good life

A weird thing in life is that everyone strives for a good life because they think it will make them happy. But what actually brings happiness is the contrast between what you have now and whatever you were just doing. The best drink you will ever taste is a glass of tap water when you’re thirsty. The best food you will ever eat is fast food when you’re starving.

People will assume your consistency

When you show up regularly in one aspect of your life, you won’t be perceived as that person who’s consistent in that one particular thing. Rather, you will be seen as “the person who always shows up,” regardless of how many domains you actually show up in.

Making anything great

 If you need 10 of something, make 30. Then pick the best.

Focus on the next move

Just because something happened that was outside of your control doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility to deal with circumstances the best you can. Focus on the next move. The next move makes the future easier or harder.

When people’s actions have outcomes that don’t line up

When people’s actions have outcomes that don’t line up with how they see themselves, they tend to insulate their egos by blaming other people or unfavorable circumstances. Phrases like, “It was a great idea just poorly executed,” “We did the best we could,” and “We never should’ve been in this situation in the first place,” are often manifestations of this self-preserving tendency.

It’s not that working hard necessarily makes you luckier

It’s not that working hard necessarily makes you luckier. It’s that putting in a lot of work positions you so that you will see more opportunities and be prepared to pounce on those opportunities because you’re prepared ...This spoke to me so strongly as a metaphor for life.

It's generally better to over-communicate

It's generally better to over-communicate. If you wait to reply because you don't have an answer yet (or because you don't want to share bad news), the other party often ends up making assumptions about what the delayed reply might mean. Silence frustrates and confuses people. Better to communicate early and often.

Ambition vs Entitlement

Ambition is when you expect yourself to close the gap between what you have and what you want. Entitlement is when you expect others to close the gap between what you have and what you want.

If you want to be a curious elder

For a great payoff, be especially curious about the things you are not interested in. This is particularly true if you want to be a curious elder.

Every time you’re given a choice

Listen. Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.

When I'm living a good day

When I'm living a good day, what am I spending my time on? Do the sources of information I am exposed to each day support that type of lifestyle or distract from it?

Connecting people isn’t magic

Connecting people isn’t magic, but in the right hands, it can make magic. Just because you are not able to fulfill something for someone doesn’t mean you cannot connect them to someone who can.

It’s tempting to think that we are strong enough

Few things are more important in life than avoiding the wrong people. It’s tempting to think that we are strong enough to avoid adopting the worst of others, but that’s not how it typically works.

The difference between a preference and a foible

Our habits, preferences, and idiosyncrasies make perfect sense. We each know that we have great reasons to embrace our ways and stick with them. Other people’s habits, though, show that they are simply picky, weird or too sensitive. The difference between a preference and a foible seems to be mostly where we’re standing.

Best friends" are a recent invention

Today, the term is still widely used. But most of us don’t naturally fall into friend pairs. Seeking them out, then, can lead to hurt—if we choose one friend over another, if the best-friend designation isn’t reciprocated, or if we don’t have the closest friend but feel that we should. For those who do have one, prioritizing them could mean turning away from other, potentially fruitful friendships. And relying on one person for all of your emotional needs creates a lot of pressure: No one is available to be a great friend 100 percent of the time.

When you first start to study a field

When you first start to study a field, it seems like you have to memorize a zillion things. You don’t. What you need is to identify the core principles – generally three to twelve of them – that govern the field. A million things you thought you had to memorize are simply various combinations of the core principles.

Doing your best is about the position you find yourself

Doing your best is about the position you find yourself in when you show up. Over the long term, the average person who constantly puts themselves in a good position beats the genius who finds themselves in a poor position. What looks like talent is often good positioning. And the best way to put yourself in a good position is with good preparation.

Place the wish to understand above the wish to be right

It is a service to reality to see with the greater charity of interpretation. It is a service to other human beings to look at them, confused and self-concerned as they may be, with the eyes of love and to resist for as long as possible letting the cataract of judgment occlude our view. To place the wish to understand above the wish to be right is the greatest gift we can give one another.

What we see is never raw reality

What we see is never raw reality, pure as spacetime — what we see is our interpretation of reality, filtered through the lens of our experience and our conditioned worldview. Always, the way we look at things shapes what we see; often, the lens we mistake for a magnifying glass turns out to be a warped mirror — we see others not as they are but as we are.

Words do have power

Words do have power. Names have power. Words are events, they do things, and change things. They transform both speaker and hearer; they feed energy back and forth and amplify it. They feed understanding or emotion back and forth and amplify it.

Writing is a lonely occupation at best

Writing is a lonely occupation at best. Of course, there are stimulating and even happy associations with friends and colleagues, but during the actual work of creation, the writer cuts himself off from all others and confronts his subject alone. He moves into a realm where he has never been before — perhaps where no one has ever been. It is a lonely place, even a little frightening.

Loving anybody and being loved by anybody is a tremendous danger

Loving anybody and being loved by anybody is a tremendous danger, a tremendous responsibility. We’ve got to be as clear-headed about human beings as possible because we are still each other’s only hope.

Fearlessness is what love seeks

Fearlessness is what love seeks. Love as craving is determined by its goal, and this goal is freedom from fear. Such fearlessness exists only in the complete calm that can no longer be shaken by events expected of the future. Hence the only valid tense is the present, the Now.

We will lose everything we love

We will lose everything we love, including our lives — so we might as well love without fear, for to fear a certainty is wasted energy that siphons the life of aliveness.

People are well-attuned to sensing

Being there with someone, truly listening, and absorbing what they say will set you apart. People will be amazed at how heard they feel, even if you barely talk. People are well-attuned to sensing the presence of others. Be still. Be there. This will attract people to you, and often they won’t even know why.

Share something that takes courage to share

Being vulnerable is respected when it serves a positive purpose. When I am willing to look ‘inferior’ to demonstrate a point that ultimately helps others, that’s strength. For example, you can tell me that you still get anxious before interviews, but you tell me so that I feel encouraged. You are showing me your humanity while lifting me. That takes courage and pitches you as an example-setting leader, not a loser.

Nurture total non-resistance to criticism

Those who have developed an OKness with being criticized and gently smile when insulted aren’t pushovers. They simply no longer see the connection between what others think and their own well-being. They no longer seek validation, nor are they affected by insult. This is deeply attractive.

We want to be seen

Don’t interrupt. Such a simple thing. But it’s not easy to do. Many don’t even realize it when they do it, but they interrupt, not to be intentionally rude, but often out of insecurity. When we interrupt, we inadvertently signal our sense of inadequacy. We want to be seen. Give people space. Don’t interrupt.

No matter what you say you value

Committed decisions show up in two places: your calendar and your bank account. No matter what you say you value or even think your priorities are, you have only to look at last year's calendar and bank account to see the decisions you have made about what you truly value. See how you have reserved your time. Look at your expenditures. Those are the trials of the decisions you have made.