You have ultimate agency over your life

Societal and cultural trends can limit your options. They can make life more difficult. At times it can feel like there are no good options out there. But ultimately, where there’s a will there’ll be a way.

You need to make them think it is THEIR idea

Being a great leader means being collaborative. When people feel engaged, and feel that what they’re doing matters, the quality of their work will show. Be inclusive. Don’t just take credit for your entire team’s work. Turn “me” into “we.”

Showing your vulnerability can be a superpower

We are all vulnerable. Embrace it. Don’t hide from it; instead, turn it into something you can use. Vulnerability does not have to equate to weakness. How can you turn it into something you can use to your advantage?

You don’t need to start at the bottom

You don’t need to start at the bottom of the mountain to get to the top. You can learn from the people that came before you. You control your starting position more than you think. For specific advice, find someone a step or two ahead of you. For general advice, find someone older who can put things in perspective.

No one can help you self-actualize except you

For most of us, the story of independence is the story of giving up codependence. In order to change, I had to accept that other people aren’t fundamentally responsible for my emotional state. I’m responsible for my emotional state. I think I’ve realized this most acutely through writing, which is so individual and painful—no one can really help me with it. It has to be self-generated. Other people can help you edit, give you feedback, and read over your drafts, but it has to come from you. That’s how everything works, right? No one can help you self-actualize except you.

We are all interdependent and deeply connected

When we recognize how important it is to love others, we recognize that we can love people better if we know who we are. At the end of the day, we can’t live without other people. But we absolutely can’t live without ourselves.

Criticizing is easy and fast

Criticizing is easy and fast. Creating is difficult and slow. The two hours you spent on a book or movie usually took two years to produce. Anyone can tear down someone else’s work. The true test of insight is whether you can help them improve it or build something of your own.

Wants are confusing

It is impossible to know what to want when there’s an endless, ever-changing list to pick from, with no reference point provided by evolution. So we look for social proof. If someone we admire wants something, we assume it must be good enough for us to want it too.

If someone brags about

If someone brags about their success or happiness, assume it’s half what they claim. If someone downplays their success or happiness, assume it’s double what they claim. Winners don't feel the need to tell you they're winning, it's dead obvious.

Trust is built on relationships

Trust is built on relationships, relationships are built on trust. If you don't trust me, we don't really have a relationship. The more deeply you trust me, the better relationship we have.

Don't accept your body as it is

If you're fat, lose some weight. If you're too skinny, gain weight. There is no shame in denying the current life to get the best self. If you're ready to change your life, life will be much better.

Almost all opportunities come with time limits.

What we too often fail to understand is that almost all opportunities come with time limits. As we wait for that moment of absolute certainty, we also see the window of opportunity become smaller, until the opportunity is lost.

Be picky about who your friends are

Be picky about who your friends are. Your circle of friends should match your priorities. If they are not adding value to you, cut ties. If they don't want to become better with you, become better without them.

There are very few people in your circle...

There are very few people in your circle who would lose sleep over your problems. Create bonds with people you are willing to sacrifice for. Know who those people are. Protect those relationships.

What is your desired dose?

Nearly everything in life has a useful zone, the desired dose. Ten minutes in the sun can energize you. Ten hours in the sun can burn you. This concept applies to many things: work, relationships, hobbies, exercise, food.

What is your desired dose?
What do you need right now?
A little bit more or a little bit less?

The key to getting what you want out of life is...

The key to getting what you want out of life is to identify how the world works and align yourself accordingly. The problem is we often think the world should work differently than it does. The word “should” is important. Because we think the world should work in a way that it doesn’t, our approach is suboptimal.

Keep it simple

Your environment controls how you think. If it's clean, simple, and sorted, so will your thinking. Cut out needless things from every part of your life. Apps, contacts, desk objects, notebooks, furniture, clothes, even people. Fewer things to deal with, better thinking.

With accomplishment comes a growing pressure...

With accomplishment comes a growing pressure to pretend that we know more than we do. To pretend we already know everything. That’s the worry and the risk—thinking that we’re set and secure when in reality understanding and mastery is a fluid, continual process.

You must live with...

You must live with whoever you become, and those around you have to live with that. It's important to be who you want to be, and not what others want you to be.

We all go through things

No one was born educated and perfect. we all learn from mistakes. We all go through things. Find your electricity that keeps your spark fueled.

Aim to be the best version of yourself

You can only give yourself fully if you are happy with your own. Strive for daily improvement. Work on your health. Your routines. Your habits. By giving your best self, you will achieve the best relationship possible.

While someone is alive and thriving

While someone is alive and thriving, we put off spending quality time and seeing them because of the fallacy of thought, “I can see them later.” But the truth is, death is a part of life. And later might never come.

The problem is that we let others tell us what’s possible

Most of us have no problem thinking about what we want to achieve in life, at least when we’re young. We’re full of big dreams, big ideas, and boundless energy. The problem is that we let others tell us what’s possible, not only when it comes to our dreams but also when it comes to how we go after them. And when we let other people tell us what’s possible or what the best way to do something is, we outsource our thinking to someone else.

How most friendships die?

Not in pyrotechnics, but a quiet, gray dissolve. It’s not that anything happens to either of you; it’s just that things stop happening between you. And so you drift.

You lose friends to...

You lose friends to marriage, to parenthood, to politics, even when you share the same politics. You lose friends to success, to failure, to flukish strokes of good or ill luck. These life changes and upheavals don’t just consume your friends’ time and attention. They often reveal unseemly characterological truths about the people you love most, behaviors and traits you previously hadn’t imagined possible.

Poor countries dream of...

Poor countries dream of finding oil like poor people fantasize about winning the lottery. But the dream often turns into a nightmare as new oil exporters realize that their treasure brings more trouble than help.

The urge to judge people dissipates when...

The urge to judge people dissipates when you fully understand that you will never have access to someone else’s state of mind. You will never have every piece of their story. You will never have their exact perspective. Don’t waste your energy.

If you can only pick one habit to build...

Your entire life happens inside your body. It's the one home you will always occupy and can never sell. But you can renovate it. If you can only pick one habit to build, exercise might be the one. Everything is downstream from how your body is functioning.

Life takes energy, but what are we saving our energy for?

Life takes energy, but what are we saving our energy for? Eventually, everyone’s hours will be over. Maybe sooner, maybe later, as nothing is guaranteed. But in the meantime, we may as well make those hours stretch.

Our memory is simultaneously magnificent and pathetic

Our memory is simultaneously magnificent and pathetic. It is capable of incredible feats, yet it never works quite like we wish it would. Ideally, we would be able to remember everything instantly, but we are not computers.

Just Be Better

We spent most of our lives waiting for someone to make our lives better. The only way we can have a better life is to live a better life. Don’t Hope for Better. Just Be Better  Be something better. Be more compassionate, more resilient, more humble, more disciplined.