Wrestling, fighting or dancing?

We can wrestle with a challenge or a problem and find energy and possibility while doing it. And we can dance with someone else as we seek a mutual way forward. Fighting tends to be more brutal, final, and hurtful than is often productive. You don’t want to spend your days fighting. The words matter.

Sharing creates connection

A gift doesn’t diminish the giver. Sharing creates connection, possibility, and energy. And the magic of gratitude is that it improves everything it touches, especially the person who offered it in the first place.

We make things happen through our actions

Our deeds, no matter how insignificant they may feel, are replete with meaning, and of vast consequence, and they constantly impact upon the unfolding story of the world, whether we know it or not.

What makes life worth living?

No child asks itself that question. To children life is self-evident. Life goes without saying: whether it is good or bad makes no difference. This is because children don't see the world, don't observe the world, don't contemplate the world, but are so deeply immersed in the world that they don't distinguish between it and their own selves.

You can only deeply commit to a few things.

Be ruthless about what you ignore. Time, energy, and resources are so precious. You have to be ferocious about cutting your priorities—more than you realize and certainly more than is comfortable.

You must cultivate activities that you love

You must discover work that you do, not for its utility, but for itself, whether it succeeds or not, whether you are praised for it or not, whether you are loved and rewarded for it or not, whether people know about it and are grateful to you for it or not. How many activities can you count in your life that you engage in simply because they delight you and grip your soul? Find them out, cultivate them, for they are your passport to freedom and to love.

You will have to learn to let go.

At some point, you will have to learn to let go. There is an endless list of obligations and expectations, desires and ambitions, and worries and fears that will always be ready to insert themselves between you and the feeling of peace. If you never learn to let them go, there will never be enough.

Two ways to defend the status quo

 1. Deny the problem. Minimize it, makeup data, distract from the conversation, make people feel like hypocrites, and emphasize the convenient and persistent elements of what is in place.

2. Acknowledge the problem but point out that it’s now far too late to do anything about it.

Neither is true, helpful, or generous. Both happen all the time. Call it out when you see it.

The second mistake

That’s the avoidable one and the one that usually causes the real trouble. When the first mistake flusters us, breaks our rhythm, or messes with our confidence, we’re far more likely to make the second one. It’s almost impossible to avoid making a mistake. But avoiding the second mistake (or, just as likely, the cover-up) is a learnable skill.

The perfect conditions

Somewhere, there is the ideal soil for growing mangoes. Or the best possible wave for surfing. Or the most romantic sunset for a proposal. But it’s not right here and it’s not right now. Our success has a lot to do with how we dance with conditions that aren’t quite perfect.

Don’t make yourself special in a negative way

Don’t make yourself special in a negative way. We are terrified by nothingness - the meaning isn’t in logic, the meaning is in emotion. Logic doesn't matter when logic runs up against strong emotion. And remember- the best thing that life has to offer you is the love of another human.

Improving other people's lives

Creating a goal of fulfilling ourselves by improving other people's lives is a wonderful abstract goal. As long as you don't say "I know what is the exact way to do it.

Reduce the gap between confidence and knowledge

It's really about the ability to hold multiple hypotheses in mind and not being convinced too quickly. Most probably it's about reducing the gap between confidence and knowledge.

If you worry

 If you worry, you don't have to worry, and if you don't worry, you need to worry.

If your expectations grow with your prosperity

Happiness thrives when you cherish what you have, rather than letting your expectations escalate with success. If your expectations grow with your prosperity, you’ll never be happy.

Start each day with courage

Start each day with courage, knowing that chasing a big goal is a journey. Embrace the challenge of working towards something amazing, even if you haven't reached it yet. Understand that the mix of fear and determination each morning is a sign that you're on the path to achieving your ambitions.

The journey has to become the destination

Life is not just about peaks and valleys, about wins and losses. Life is about the journey. You hear that all the time. You’ve got to absorb that. You’ve got to know that. The journey has to become the destination because there is no true destination.

Do more of what has already been validated

Do more of what has already been validated. Most of us jump into the next project with little thought and then wonder why it doesn’t turn out like we hoped. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Take what’s been shown to work and make it yours.

Who do you need needing you?

Focus on improving the lives of those who matter to you. First, this requires that you figure out who matters to you most. You can’t please everyone. And to be free in life, you must be needed. Who do you need needing you? Now go and make their lives better.

Attachment undermines the very reason

When we raise our expectations for a student, a friend, or a co-worker, we open the door to possibility. We offer them dignity and a chance to grow. We are offering them trust. But if we become attached to those expectations, if the expectation unmet leads us to distress or unhappiness, then that attachment undermines the very reason we created the expectation in the first place.

A person’s choice of a spouse

A person’s choice of a spouse (or if they aren’t married, their closest lifelong partner) is much more revealing than anything they say or do in public. This choice tells you about their own innermost longings, expectations, and needs. It tells you what they think of themselves, and what they think they deserve in life (or will settle for). It is, I believe, the clearest indicator of priorities and values you will ever find.

It's easier to do something daily

It's easier to do something daily rather than a few times a week. Doing something every day turns desired behavior into default behavior. When willpower is lacking, routine takes over.

A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention

What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention, and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.

What topic are you curious about?

Take out a blank sheet of paper. Write out everything you already know about the subject you want to understand deeper. As you learn more about the topic, add it to your sheet. If you use a different color pen as you learn new things, you can literally watch your knowledge grow.

Shorten the distance

If you're having trouble getting started, shorten the distance between where you are and where you focus. Keep the goal but change the focus to the next step. You can't reach the top if you don't start.

The goal of life is to be a happy person

There is a perfect job out there for everyone. Most people never find it. Keep looking. The goal of life is to be a happy person, and the right job is essential to that.

Give them the benefit of the doubt

When you meet someone new, treat that person as a friend. Assume he or she is a winner and will become a positive force in your life. Most people wait for others to prove their value. Give them the benefit of the doubt from the start. Occasionally you will be disappointed, but your network will broaden rapidly if you follow this path.

Consume content that's relevant to you

Follow a few writers online whose work you value, instead of trying to follow everyone. Consume content that's relevant to you, and ignore everything else.

Not as a source of information

Use social media to connect with people, not as a source of information. If you do choose to use it for information, be aware of its limitations and biases.

Reframe frustration

When you're frustrated, take a step back and ask yourself:

How serious is this problem? Am I getting worked up over nothing?

Can I change something about how I view the problem that would completely change how I feel about it?

How can I handle this problem differently so I can direct my emotional energy to bigger, more important issues?